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Anonymous Quotes and Quotations


Bugs Bunny - the perfect employee. Never absent. Never late. Never changes the script. Doesn't have an agent. Never asks for a percent of the profit. Doesn't ask to have his relatives on the payroll.
After all is said and done, more is said than done.
- Anonymous | Action Quotes
All glory comes from daring to begin.
- Anonymous | Action Quotes
'Mean to' don't pick no cotton.
- Anonymous | Action Quotes
Trouble will rain on those who are already wet.
- Anonymous | Adversity Quotes
Fire tries gold, misfortune men.
- Anonymous | Adversity Quotes
There is little serenity comparable to the serenity of the inexperienced giving advice to the experienced.
- Anonymous | Advice Quotes
Age and treachery will triumph over youth and skill.
Wrinkles - the service stripes of life.
Middle age is when you have a choice of two temptations and choose the one that will get you home earlier.
The United States was born in the country and moved to the city in the nineteenth century.
Anger makes dull men witty, but it keeps them poor.
- Anonymous | Anger Quotes
There is a difference between a psychopath and a neurotic. A psychopath thinks two and two are five. A neurotic knows that two and two are four, but he worries about it.
And when I was born, I drew in the common air, and fell upon the earth, which is of like nature, and the first voice which I uttered was crying, as all others do . . . For all men have one entrance into life. The Apocrypha Monday's child is fair of face, Tuesday's child is full of grace, Wednesday's child is full of woe Thursday's child has far to go Friday's child is loving and giving, Saturday's child works hard for a living, But the child born on the Sabbath day Is happy and wise and good and gay.
- Anonymous | Birth Quotes
Book lovers never go to bed alone.
Live together like brothers and do business like strangers.
- Anonymous | Capitalism Quotes
If a cluttered desk is an indication of a cluttered mind, what is indicated by an empty desk?
- Anonymous | Capitalism Quotes
After an eight-hour day, workers require three overtime hours to produce two regular hours of results.
- Anonymous | Capitalism Quotes
Who buys has need of two eyes But one's enough to sell the stuff.
A fair price for oil is whatever you can get plus ten to twenty per cent.
What costs nothing is worth nothing.
Canada is so square even the female impersonators are women.
If a player continues transgressing the rules, his side shall lose him.
All things are subject to change, and we change with them. (Omnia mutantur, nos et mutamur in illis.)
To dream of the person you would like to be is to waste the person you are.
Character is like a tree, and reputation like its shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing.
A camel is a horse designed by a committee.
Conscience is a cur that will let you get past it but that you cannot keep from barking.
- Anonymous | Conscience Quotes
Respectability: the offspring of a liaison between a bald head and a bank account.
He who excuses himself accuses himself. (Qui s'excuse, s'accuse.)
Who never caused others to die Seldom rates a statue.
Death is terrible to Cicero, desirable to Cato, and indifferent to Socrates.
To lose Is to learn.
- Anonymous | Defeat Quotes
Soon learnt, soon forgotten.
- Anonymous | Education Quotes
No one in this world needs a mink coat but a mink.
Good judgement comes from experience, and experience - well, that comes from poor judgement.
- Anonymous | Experience Quotes
There is no such thing as a little garlic.
- Anonymous | Food Quotes
A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.
Friendship admits of differences of character, as love does that of sex.
The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
- Anonymous | Genius Quotes
The parting genius is with sighing sent.
- Anonymous | Genius Quotes
If Jesus was Jewish, how come he has a Mexican name?
- Anonymous | God Quotes
He who would do good to another, must do it in minute particulars.
At certain times of grave national stress, when that rag-bag called the British Constitution is in grave danger of coming unstuck, thank heaven for the big safety-pin at the top that keeps it together.
He (Winston Churchill) mobilized the English language and sent it into battle to steady his fellow countrymen. . . .
- Anonymous | Greatness Quotes
Hell is truth seen too late.
A genealogist is one who traces your family back as far as your money will go.
- Anonymous | Heredity Quotes
The past is a foreign country; they do things differently there.
Each man is his own absolute lawgiver and dispenser of glory or gloom to himself, the maker of his life, his reward, his punishment.
- Anonymous | Homo Sapiens Quotes
Honour follows those who flee it.
- Anonymous | Honour Quotes
When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.
- Anonymous | Hope Quotes
Wit is far more often a shield than a lance.
He who laughs, lasts.
Every time a man puts a new idea across he finds ten men who thought of it before he did - but they only thought of it.
- Anonymous | Ideas Quotes
Little wit in the head makes much work for the feet.
- Anonymous | Ignorance Quotes
From ghoulies and ghosties and long-leggedy beasties And things that go bump in the night, good Lord, deliver us!
- Anonymous | Imagination Quotes
Ne'er of the living can the living judge - too blind the affection, or too fresh the grudge.
- Anonymous | Justice Quotes
When the 30-year-old lawyer died he said to St. Peter, "How can you do this to me? - a heart attack at my age? I'm only 30." Replied St. Peter: "When we looked at your total hours billed we figured you were 95."
Any fool can make a rule, and every fool will mind it.
The law locks up both man and woman Who steals the goose from off the common, But lets the great felon loose Who steals the common from the goose.
He has a head that is for rent unfurnished.
- Anonymous | Laziness Quotes
Liberty is always unfinished business.
Life is a handful of short stories, pretending to be a novel.
- Anonymous | Life Quotes
Literature is a power to be possessed, not a body of objects to be studied.
- Anonymous | Literature Quotes
Good children's literature appeals not only to the child in the adult, but to the adult in the child.
- Anonymous | Literature Quotes
In the act of loving someone you arm them against you.
- Anonymous | Love Quotes
A husband always prefers his wife's mother-in-law to his own.
- Anonymous | Marriage Quotes
To cure sometimes, to relieve often, to comfort always.
If a man can remember what he worried about last week, he has a very good memory.
- Anonymous | Memory Quotes
A man is never so weak as when a woman is telling him how strong he is.
- Anonymous | Men and Women Quotes
There is nothing wrong with making mistakes. Just don't respond with encores.
Things could be worse. Suppose your errors were counted and published every day, like those of a baseball player.
Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?
- Anonymous | Money Quotes
When you want really big money, you usually find yourself talking to people who didn't go to Eton.
- Anonymous | Money Quotes
Even moderation ought not to be practised to excess.
Oboe - an ill woodwind that nobody blows good.
- Anonymous | Music Quotes
Harpists spend half their life tuning and the other half playing out of tune.
- Anonymous | Music Quotes
Originality is the art of concealing your sources.
- Anonymous | Originality Quotes
Keep a thing seven years and you will find a use for it.
Anything which parents have not learned from experience they can now learn from their children.
- Anonymous | Parenthood Quotes
A mother is a person who if she is not there when you get home from school you wouldn't know how to get your dinner, and you wouldn't feel like eating it anyway.
- Anonymous | Parenthood Quotes
One of Wordsworth's Lake District neighbours remarked, upon hearing of the poet's death "I suppose his son will carry on the business."
When Cicero (Marcus Tullius Cicero 106-43 BC,) was in 64 BC running for consul of Rome he was reported to be advised by his "campaign manager" that the voters "had rather you lied to them than refused them."
- Anonymous | Politics Quotes
Horsepower was a wonderful thing when only horses had it.
- Anonymous | Power Quotes
'Mr. President, I am praying for you. 'Which way, Senator?'
- Anonymous | Prayer Quotes
What men usually ask of God when they pray is that two and two not make four.
- Anonymous | Prayer Quotes
Modern kitchen - where the pot calls the kettle chartreuse.
- Anonymous | Progress Quotes
Every year it takes less time to fly across the Atlantic, and more time to drive to the office.
- Anonymous | Progress Quotes
A neurotic is the man who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the man who lives in it. And a psychiatrist is the man who collects the rent.
- Anonymous | Psychiatry Quotes
Psychiatry is the care of the id by the odd.
- Anonymous | Psychiatry Quotes
The four-letter word for psychotherapy is 'talk'.
- Anonymous | Psychiatry Quotes
He wouldn't give a duck a drink if he owned Lake Michigan.
Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband.
Kiss principle: Keep it simple, stupid.
His shortcoming is his long staying.
If there were any justice in the world, people would be able to fly over pigeons for a change.
There's a wonderful family called Stein, There's Gert, and there's Epp and there's Ein: Gert's poems are bunk, Epp's statues are junk, And no one can understand Ein.
Coffee in England is just toasted milk.
Tis better than riches To scratch when it itches.
He'd give the devil ulcers.
The test for a prophet is in the Bible. It is this. "When a prophet speaketh in the name of the Lord, if the thing follow not, nor come to pass, that is the thing which the Lord hath not spoken."
- Anonymous | Religion Quotes
The Church of England is the Tory party at prayer.
- Anonymous | Religion Quotes
Let's all give God a great big hand. I've seen the last page of the bible and it's going to turn out all right.
- Anonymous | Religion Quotes
The sea hath no king but God alone.
- Anonymous | The Sea Quotes
The only cure for seasickness is to sit on the shady side of an old church in the country.
- Anonymous | The Sea Quotes
Every April, God rewrites the Book of Genesis.
- Anonymous | The Seasons Quotes
If you really do put a small value upon yourself, rest assured that the world will not raise your price.
Somerset House in London where at one time English vital statistics were kept - birth, marriage and death records - was known as the egg factory "where they hatch 'em, match 'em, and dispatch 'em."
Twenty per cent of the people in volunteer groups do ninety per cent of the work.
Gentleman: one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionally.
It takes time to be a success, but time is all it takes.
- Anonymous | Success Quotes
Success is not so much what you are, but rather what you appear to be.
- Anonymous | Success Quotes
Tact is the intelligence of the heart.
A distinguished diplomat could hold his tongue in ten languages.
The Eiffel Tower is the Empire State Building after taxes.
- Anonymous | Taxation Quotes
If the student fails to learn the teacher fails to teach.
The secret of teaching is to appear to have known all your life what you learned this afternoon.
There was a young lady named Bright Who could travel much faster than light She started one day In the relative way And came back on the previous night.
- Anonymous | Time Quotes
A bred-in-the-bone Boston lady, when asked why she never travelled, said 'Why should I? I'm already there.'
The early North American Indian made a great mistake by not having an immigration bureau.
Old men and far travellers may lie with authority.
Some people handle the truth carelessly; Others never touch it at all.
- Anonymous | Truth Quotes
Pretty much all the honest truthtelling there is in the world is done by children.
- Anonymous | Truth Quotes
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
- Anonymous | War Quotes
Men never cling to their dreams with such tenacity as at the moment when they are losing faith in them and know it, but do not dare confess it to themselves.
Never since the time of Copernicus have so many experts been so wrong so often with so little humility.
- Anonymous | Wisdom Quotes
A word to the wise is infuriating.
- Anonymous | Wisdom Quotes
Wit is far more often a shield than a lance.
- Anonymous | Wit Quotes
Some women blush when they are kissed; some call for the police; some swear; some bite. But the worst are those who laugh.
- Anonymous | Women Quotes
The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers.
- Anonymous | Women Quotes
One machine can do the work of 50 ordinary men. No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man.
- Anonymous | Work Quotes
A hobby is hard work you wouldn't do for a living.
- Anonymous | Work Quotes
In Ireland, a writer is looked upon as a failed conversationalist.
The beginning is easy; what happens next is much harder.
Write something, even if it's just a suicide note.
John the Baptist pretending to be Karl Marx.
Young men think old men fools and old men know young men to be so.
- Anonymous | Youth Quotes
This is a youth-oriented society, and the joke is on them because youth is a disease from which we all recover.
- Anonymous | Youth Quotes
When Eleanor Roosevelt was asked if she had any regrets about her life she replied "Just one. I wish I had been prettier."
- Anonymous | Women Quotes
The error of the past is the success of the future. A mistake is evidence that someone tried to do something.
- Anonymous | Regrets Quotes
Your past is always going to be the way it was. Stop trying to change it.
- Anonymous | Regrets Quotes
Fear knocked at the door. Faith answered. And lo, no one was there.
- Anonymous | Faith and Fear Quotes
The rich know not who is his friend.
A friend is never known till a man has need.
The best way for a person to have happy thoughts is to count his blessings and not his cash.
- Anonymous | Happiness Quotes
A man of gladness seldom falls into madness.
- Anonymous | Cheerfulness Quotes
When at night you cannot sleep, talk to the Shepherd and stop counting sheep.
- Anonymous | Peace of Mind Quotes
Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the presence of God no matter what the conflict.
- Anonymous | Peace of Mind Quotes
Some pursue happiness, others create it.
- Anonymous | Happiness Quotes
Happy is he that chastens himself.
- Anonymous | Happiness Quotes
Do all the good you can, By all the means you can, In all the ways you can, In all the places you can, At all the times you can.
- Anonymous | Happiness Quotes
Happiness is often the result of being too busy to be miserable.
- Anonymous | Happiness Quotes
Why not learn to enjoy the little things-there are so many of them.
- Anonymous | Happiness Quotes
You cannot always have happiness, but you can always give happiness.
- Anonymous | Happiness Quotes
When you dig another out of their troubles, you find a place to bury your own.
- Anonymous | Happiness Quotes
All happiness is in the mind.
- Anonymous | Happiness Quotes
It isn't our position, but our disposition, that makes us happy.
- Anonymous | Happiness Quotes
He who leaves his house in search of happiness pursues a shadow.
- Anonymous | Happiness Quotes
Laughter is the best medicine.
- Anonymous | Happiness Quotes
Being asked one day what was the surest way of remaining happy in this world, the Emperor Sigismund of Germany replied: "Only do in health what you have promised to do when you were sick."
- Anonymous | Happiness Quotes
Better be happy than wise.
- Anonymous | Happiness Quotes
It is comparison that makes men happy or miserable.
- Anonymous | Happiness Quotes
Let him that would be happy for a day, go to the barber; for a week, marry a wife; for a month, buy him a new horse; for a year, build him a new house; for all his lifetime, be an honest man.
- Anonymous | Happiness Quotes
Who will present pleasure refrain, shall in time to come the more pleasure obtain.
- Anonymous | Happiness Quotes
The best way for a person to have happy thoughts is to count his blessings and not his cash.
- Anonymous | Happiness Quotes
The really happy man is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
- Anonymous | Happiness Quotes
Happiness consists of living each day as if it were the first day of your honeymoon and the last day of your vacation.
- Anonymous | Happiness Quotes
Enjoy yourself. These are the "good old days" you're going to miss in the years ahead.
- Anonymous | Happiness Quotes
No pleasure without pain.
- Anonymous | Happiness Quotes
Pleasure is not pleasant unless it cost dear.
- Anonymous | Happiness Quotes
Sadness and gladness succeed each other.
- Anonymous | Happiness Quotes
If you have arthritis, calmly say, I was always complaining about the ruts in the road until I realized that the ruts are the road.
- Anonymous | Acceptance Quotes
Cooperation is doing with a smile what you have to do anyhow.
- Anonymous | Acceptance Quotes
For so must it be, and help me do my part.
- Anonymous | Acceptance Quotes
Results are what you expect; consequences are what you get.
- Anonymous | Acceptance Quotes
To expect life to be tailored to our specifications is to invite frustration.
- Anonymous | Acceptance Quotes
Things turn out best for people who make the best of the way things turn out.
- Anonymous | Acceptance Quotes
Resistance causes pain and lethargy. It is when we practice acceptance that new possibilities appear.
- Anonymous | Acceptance Quotes
Keep doing what you're doing and you'll keep getting what you're getting.
- Anonymous | Acceptance Quotes
Resentments are burdens we don't need to carry.
- Anonymous | Forgiveness Quotes
Those who can't forget are worse off than those who can't remember.
- Anonymous | Forgiveness Quotes
They may not deserve forgiveness, but I do.
- Anonymous | Forgiveness Quotes
A Christian could even give thanks for Hell, because Hell was a threat and a warning to keep him in the right way.
- Anonymous | Forgiveness Quotes
Thank God for dirty dishes; they have a tale to tell. While other folks go hungry, we're eating pretty well. With home, and health, and happiness, we shouldn't want to fuss; For by this stack of evidence, God's very good to us.
- Anonymous | Forgiveness Quotes
If you can't be thankful for what you receive, be thankful for what you escape.
- Anonymous | Forgiveness Quotes
Even though we can't have all we want, we ought to be thankful we don't get all we deserve.
- Anonymous | Forgiveness Quotes
A wise man cares not for what he cannot have.
- Anonymous | Forgiveness Quotes
Seeds of discouragement will not grow in the thankful heart.
- Anonymous | Forgiveness Quotes
He has enough who is contented with little.
- Anonymous | Forgiveness Quotes
More than enough is too much.
- Anonymous | Forgiveness Quotes
He who is content in his poverty is wonderfully rich.
- Anonymous | Forgiveness Quotes
The greatest wealth is contentment with a little.
- Anonymous | Forgiveness Quotes
He is not rich that possesses much, but he that is content with what he has.
- Anonymous | Forgiveness Quotes
He is not rich that possesses much, but he that is content with what he has.
- Anonymous | Forgiveness Quotes
The greatest wealth is contentment with a little.
- Anonymous | Forgiveness Quotes
To be content with little is difficult; to be content with much, impossible.
- Anonymous | Forgiveness Quotes
Life is hard. Next to what?
- Anonymous | Forgiveness Quotes
The apples on the other side of the wall are the sweetest.
- Anonymous | Other Side Quotes
Acorns were good till bread was found.
- Anonymous | Other Side Quotes
He who leaves his house in search of happiness pursues a shadow.
- Anonymous | Other Side Quotes
What makes us discontented with our condition is the absurdly exaggerated idea we have of the happiness of others.
- Anonymous | Other Side Quotes
Kindness is the ability to love people more than they deserve.
A little help is worth a great deal of pity.
You cannot always have happiness, but you can always give happiness.
I was hungered, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: I was naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.
It was only a sunny smile, And little it cost in the giving. But like morning light, it scattered the night, And made the day worth living.
Set about doing good to somebody. Put on your hat and go and visit the sick and poor of your neighborhood; inquire into their circumstances and minister to their wants. Seek out the desolate and afflicted and oppressed ... I have often tried this method, and have always found it the best medicine for a heavy heart.
The smartest thing I ever said was, "Help Me!"
To have a good friend is one of the highest delights of life; to be a good friend is one of the noblest and most difficult undertakings.
- Anonymous | Friendship Quotes
There is no physician like a true friend.
- Anonymous | Friendship Quotes
A true friend is the best possession.
- Anonymous | Friendship Quotes
Friendship is a plant which must be often watered.
- Anonymous | Friendship Quotes
You can make more friends in two months by becoming more interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get people interested in you.
- Anonymous | Friendship Quotes
Friendship increases in visiting friends, but not in visiting them too often.
- Anonymous | Friendship Quotes
A hedge between keeps friendships green.
- Anonymous | Friendship Quotes
The best rule of friendship is to keep your heart a little softer than your head.
- Anonymous | Friendship Quotes
Love your friend with his fault.
- Anonymous | Friendship Quotes
If we were all given by magic the power to read each other's thoughts, I suppose the first effect would be to dissolve all friendships.
- Anonymous | Friendship Quotes
When good cheer is lacking, our friends will be packing.
- Anonymous | Friendship Quotes
One enemy is too many; a hundred friends too few.
- Anonymous | Friendship Quotes
Friends come and go, enemies linger.
- Anonymous | Friendship Quotes
The best mirror is an old friend.
- Anonymous | Friendship Quotes
Have but few friends, though many acquaintances.
- Anonymous | Friendship Quotes
Books and friends should be few but good.
- Anonymous | Friendship Quotes
Sudden friendship, sure repentance.
- Anonymous | Friendship Quotes
He that lies down with dogs shall rise up with fleas.
- Anonymous | Friendship Quotes
Keep good men company, and you shall be of their number.
- Anonymous | Friendship Quotes
A man is known by the company he keeps.
- Anonymous | Friendship Quotes
A real friend helps us think our best thoughts, do our noblest deeds, be our finest selves.
- Anonymous | Friendship Quotes
Good company upon the road is the shortest cut.
- Anonymous | Friendship Quotes
The company makes the feast.
- Anonymous | Friendship Quotes
When we lose God, it is not God who is lost.
- Anonymous | God Quotes
Some people talk about finding God, as if He could get lost.
- Anonymous | God Quotes
What we are is God's gift to us. What we become is our gift to God.
- Anonymous | God Quotes
God is no enemy to you. He asks no more than that He hear you call Him "Friend."
- Anonymous | God Quotes
Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible and receives the impossible.
If life is a comedy to him who thinks, and a tragedy to him who feels, it is a victory to him who believes.
The will of God will not take you where the grace of God cannot keep you.
Faith is verification by the heart; confession by the tongue; action by the limbs.
Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith.
For the believer, there is no question; for the non-believer, there is no answer.
Prayer changes things.
- Anonymous | Prayer Quotes
The only way to pray is to pray, and the way to pray well is to pray much.
- Anonymous | Prayer Quotes
God tells us to burden him with whatever burdens us.
- Anonymous | Prayer Quotes
Pray if thou canst with hope, but ever pray, though hope be weak or sick with long delay; pray in the darkness if there be no light; and if for any wish thou dare not pray, then pray to God to cast that wish away.
- Anonymous | Prayer Quotes
In the morning, prayer is the key that opens to us the treasures of God's mercies and blessings; in the evening, it is the key that shuts us up under His protection and safeguard.
- Anonymous | Prayer Quotes
O God, if in the day of battle I forget Thee, do not Thou forget me.
- Anonymous | Prayer Quotes
When the knees are not often bent, the feet soon slide.
- Anonymous | Prayer Quotes
When at night you cannot sleep, talk to the Shepherd and stop counting sheep.
- Anonymous | Prayer Quotes
He who cannot pray when the sun is shining will not know how to pray when the clouds come.
- Anonymous | Prayer Quotes
Without the incense of heartfelt prayer, even the greatest of cathedrals is dead.
- Anonymous | Prayer Quotes
God's ear lies close to the believer's lip.
- Anonymous | Prayer Quotes
Do not pray by heart, but with the heart.
- Anonymous | Prayer Quotes
God eagerly awaits the chance to bless the person whose heart is turned toward Him.
- Anonymous | Prayer Quotes
Be not hot in prayer and cold in praise.
- Anonymous | Prayer Quotes
Productive prayer requires earnestness, not eloquence.
- Anonymous | Prayer Quotes
Many words do not a good prayer make; what counts is the heartfelt desire to commune with God, and the faith to back it up.
- Anonymous | Prayer Quotes
Short prayers pierceth Heaven.
- Anonymous | Prayer Quotes
Fear of trouble, present and future, often blinds us to the numerous small blessings we enjoy, silencing our prayers of praise and thanksgiving.
- Anonymous | Prayer Quotes
God deserves far more praise than any of us could ever give Him.
- Anonymous | Prayer Quotes
God receives little thanks, even for his greatest gifts.
- Anonymous | Prayer Quotes
Our thanks to God should always precede our requests.
- Anonymous | Prayer Quotes
Don't be timid when you pray; rather, batter the very gates of heaven with storms of prayer.
- Anonymous | Prayer Quotes
Productive prayer requires earnestness, not eloquence.
- Anonymous | Prayer Quotes
O Lord, forgive what I have been, sanctify what I am, and order what I shall be.
- Anonymous | Prayer Quotes
True prayer brings a person's will into accordance with God's will, not the other way around.
- Anonymous | Prayer Quotes
How many of us will ever sit... bow our heads, and pray "Lord, show me where I'm wrong"?
- Anonymous | Prayer Quotes
God tells us to burden him with whatever burdens us.
- Anonymous | Prayer Quotes
When my children do wrong, I ache to hear their stumbling requests for forgiveness. I'm sure our heavenly Father aches even more deeply to hear from us.
- Anonymous | Prayer Quotes
Always look for ways to act upon the faith you display in your prayers.
- Anonymous | Prayer Quotes
The greatest blessing of prayer is not receiving the answer, but being the kind of person God can trust with His answer.
- Anonymous | Prayer Quotes
God answers prayer with certainty. Wish fulfillment is something else.
- Anonymous | Prayer Quotes
There are two main pitfalls on the road to mastery of the art of prayer. If a person gets what he asks for, his humility is in danger. If he fails to get what he asks for, he is apt to lose confidence. Indeed, no matter whether prayer seems to be succeeding or failing, humility and confidence are two virtues which are absolutely essential.
- Anonymous | Prayer Quotes
Our prayers are often filled with selfish "wants"; God always answers with what we need.
- Anonymous | Prayer Quotes
Asking for anything is allowed with the understanding that God's answers come from God's perspective. They are not always in harmony with our expectations, for only He knows the whole story.
- Anonymous | Prayer Quotes
When you go to your knees, God will help you stand up to anything.
- Anonymous | Prayer Quotes
Amazing things start happening when we start praying!
- Anonymous | Prayer Quotes
It is impossible to lose your footing while on your knees.
- Anonymous | Prayer Quotes
Man is the only creature which rises by bowing, for he finds elevation in his subjection to his Maker.
- Anonymous | Prayer Quotes
Nothing is discussed more and practiced less than prayer.
- Anonymous | Prayer Quotes
The wings of prayer carry high and far.
- Anonymous | Prayer Quotes
Doubt not but God who sits on high, Thy secret prayers can hear; When a dead wall thus cunningly Conveys soft whispers to the ear.
- Anonymous | Prayer Quotes
Self-searching is the means by which we bring new vision, action, and grace to bear upon the dark and negative side of our natures. With it comes the development of that kind of humility that makes it possible for us to receive God's help. ... We find that bit by bit we can discard the old life-the one that did not work-for a new life that can and does work under conditions whatever.
- Anonymous | Self-Knowledge Quotes
Spirituality is ... the awareness that survival is the savage fight between you and yourself.
To dream of the person you would like to be is to waste the person you are.
To love others, we must first learn to love ourselves.
Anger is only one letter short of danger.
- Anonymous | Self-Control Quotes
The wise don't expect to find life worth living; they make it that way.
- Anonymous | Self-Reliance Quotes
If it is to be, it is up to me.
- Anonymous | Self-Reliance Quotes
Some pursue happiness others create it.
- Anonymous | Self-Reliance Quotes
If a man wants his dreams to come true, he must wake up.
- Anonymous | Self-Reliance Quotes
When you blame others, you give up your power to change.
- Anonymous | Self-Reliance Quotes
Keep doing what you're doing and you'll keep getting what you're getting.
- Anonymous | Simplicity Quotes
Simplicity is making the journey of this life with just baggage enough.
- Anonymous | Simplicity Quotes
If you walk, just walk. If you sit, just sit. But whatever you do, don't wobble.
- Anonymous | Simplicity Quotes
What I do, I do very well, and what I don't do well, I don't do at all.
- Anonymous | Simplicity Quotes
The most important thing in our lives is what we are doing now.
- Anonymous | One Day Quotes
Time cannot be expanded, accumulated, mortgaged, hastened, or retarded.
- Anonymous | One Day Quotes
Time stays long enough for anyone who will use it.
- Anonymous | One Day Quotes
One day of pleasure is worth two of sorrow.
- Anonymous | One Day Quotes
What you are afraid to do is a clear indicator of the next thing you need to do.
- Anonymous | One Day Quotes
The great business of life is to be, to do, to do without, and to depart.
- Anonymous | One Day Quotes
Do all the good you can, By all the means you can, In all the ways you can, In all the places you can, At all the times you can.
- Anonymous | One Day Quotes
Learn as if you were going to live forever. Live as if you were going to die tomorrow.
- Anonymous | One Day Quotes
Unless each day can be looked back upon by an individual as one in which he has had some fun, some joy, some real satisfaction, that day is a loss.
- Anonymous | One Day Quotes
A day is a span of time no one is wealthy enough to waste.
- Anonymous | One Day Quotes
Time is the arbitrary division of eternity.
- Anonymous | One Day Quotes
An hour of pain is as long as a day of pleasure.
- Anonymous | One Day Quotes
Time is the tyrant of the body.
- Anonymous | One Day Quotes
Time is the dressing room for eternity.
- Anonymous | One Day Quotes
Here's to the past. Thank God it's past!
- Anonymous | The Past Quotes
When I am anxious it is because I am living in the future. When I am depressed it is because I am living in the past.
- Anonymous | The Past Quotes
Then is then. Now is now. We must grow to learn the difference.
- Anonymous | The Past Quotes
Enjoy yourself. These are the "good old days" you're going to miss in the years ahead.
- Anonymous | The Past Quotes
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today, because if you enjoy it today, you can do it again, tomorrow.
- Anonymous | The Present Quotes
Now is the only time we own; give, love, toil with a will. And place no faith in tomorrow, for the clock may then be still.
- Anonymous | The Present Quotes
You are younger today than you ever will be again. Make use of it for the sake of tomorrow.
- Anonymous | The Present Quotes
The future belongs to those who live intensely in the present.
- Anonymous | The Present Quotes
The present is all you have for your certain possession.
- Anonymous | The Present Quotes
Having spent the better part of my life trying either to relive the past or experience the future before it arrives, I have come to believe that in between these two extremes is peace.
- Anonymous | The Present Quotes
If you have one eye on yesterday, and one eye on tomorrow, you're going to be cockeyed today.
- Anonymous | The Present Quotes
Yesterday has gone. Tomorrow may never come. There is only the miracle of this moment. Savor it. It is a gift.
- Anonymous | The Present Quotes
If we spend our time with regrets over yesterday, and worries over what might happen tomorrow, we have no today in which to live.
- Anonymous | The Present Quotes
Today was once the future from which you expected so much in the past.
- Anonymous | The Present Quotes
Today, well lived, will prepare me for both the pleasure and the pain of tomorrow.
- Anonymous | The Present Quotes
The future belongs to those who live intensely in the present.
- Anonymous | The Present Quotes
If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
- Anonymous | This Moment Quotes
With each sunrise, we start anew.
- Anonymous | Mornings Quotes
It was only a sunny smile, And little it cost in the giving. But like morning light, it scattered the night, And made the day worth living.
- Anonymous | Mornings Quotes
This is the beginning of a new day. God has given me this day to use as I will. I can waste it or use it for good, but what I do today is important, because I am exchanging a day of my life for it! When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever, leaving in its place something that I have traded for it. I want it to be gain, and not loss; good, and not evil; success, and not failure; in order that I shall not regret the price I have paid for it.
- Anonymous | Mornings Quotes
With every rising of the sun, think of your life as just begun.
- Anonymous | Mornings Quotes
Judge each day not by it's harvest, but by the seeds you plant.
- Anonymous | Evenings Quotes
One of the secrets of a long and fruitful life is to forgive everybody everything every night before you go to bed.
- Anonymous | Evenings Quotes
The camel, at the close of day, Kneels down upon the sandy plain To have his burden lifted off And rest again. My soul, thou too should to thy knees When daylight draweth to a close, And let thy Master lift the load And grant repose.
- Anonymous | Evenings Quotes
Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
- Anonymous | Evenings Quotes
The future is a great land.
- Anonymous | The Future Quotes
The possibilities for tomorrow are usually beyond our expectations.
- Anonymous | The Future Quotes
Boredom is a sickness of the soul.
- Anonymous | Boring Days Quotes
Boredom, like necessity, is very often the mother of invention.
- Anonymous | Boring Days Quotes
Some days the dragon wins.
- Anonymous | Difficult Days Quotes
Sadness and gladness succeed each other.
- Anonymous | Difficult Days Quotes
The secret of patience ... to do something else in the meantime.
- Anonymous | Difficult Days Quotes
All happiness is in the mind.
- Anonymous | Positive Quotes
It isn't our position, but our disposition, that makes us happy.
- Anonymous | Positive Quotes
If you prepare for old age, old age comes sooner.
- Anonymous | Positive Quotes
People, by and large, will relate to the image you project.
- Anonymous | Positive Quotes
Always imitate the behavior of the winner when you lose.
- Anonymous | Positive Quotes
The only prison we need to escape from is the prison of our own minds.
- Anonymous | Positive Quotes
He was a "how" thinker, not an "if" thinker.
- Anonymous | Positive Quotes
Some folks think they are thinking when they are only rearranging their prejudices.
- Anonymous | Positive Quotes
No one keeps up his enthusiasm automatically. Enthusiasm must be nourished with new actions, new aspirations, new efforts, new vision. Compete with yourself; set your teeth and dive into the job of breaking your own record. It is one's own fault if his enthusiasm is gone; he has failed to feed it.
- Anonymous | Enthusiasm Quotes
Everybody lives for something better to come.
- Anonymous | Hope Quotes
Hope is putting faith to work when doubting would be easier.
- Anonymous | Hope Quotes
Hope is the anchor of the soul, the stimulus to action, and the incentive to achievement.
- Anonymous | Hope Quotes
Hope and Happiness Hope is grief's best music.
- Anonymous | Hope Quotes
Hope is the last thing to abandon the unhappy.
- Anonymous | Hope Quotes
Hope works in these ways: it looks for the good in people instead of harping on the worst; it discovers what can be done instead of grumbling about what cannot; it regards problems, large or small, as opportunities; it pushes ahead when it would be easy to quit; it "lights the candle" instead of "cursing the darkness."
- Anonymous | Hope Quotes
Faith, hope, and charity-if we had more of the first two, we'd need less of the last.
- Anonymous | Hope Quotes
Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible and achieves the impossible.
- Anonymous | Hope Quotes
To hope is not to demand.
- Anonymous | Hope Quotes
A genius is one who shoots at something no one else can see-and hits it.
- Anonymous | Hope Quotes
The artist doesn't see things as they are, but as he is.
- Anonymous | Visualization Quotes
A good example is the best sermon.
- Anonymous | Role Models Quotes
Society can only pursue its normal course by means of a certain progression of changes.
- Anonymous | Change Quotes
If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten.
- Anonymous | Change Quotes
If you have no will to change it, you have no right to criticize it.
When one bases his life on principle, 99 percent of his decisions are already made.
- Anonymous | Decisions Quotes
You cannot have your cake and eat it.
- Anonymous | Decisions Quotes
You cannot sell the cow and sup the milk.
- Anonymous | Decisions Quotes
A door must either be shut or open.
- Anonymous | Decisions Quotes
You cannot have it both ways.
- Anonymous | Decisions Quotes
Of two evils, choose the less.
- Anonymous | Decisions Quotes
Where bad's the best, bad must be the choice.
- Anonymous | Decisions Quotes
A hunch is creativity trying to tell you something.
- Anonymous | Instincts Quotes
What one man does, another fails to do; what's fit for me may not be fit for you.
- Anonymous | Right Quotes
If I trim myself to suit others I will soon whittle myself away.
- Anonymous | Right Quotes
'Tis a gift to be simple, 'tis a gift to be free. 'Tis a gift to come round to where we ought to be. And when we find a place that feels just right, We will be in the valley of love and delight.
- Anonymous | Right Quotes
Different people have different duties assigned to them by Nature; Nature has given one the power or the desire to do this, the other that. Each bird must sing with his own throat.
- Anonymous | Right Quotes
Bloom where you are planted.
- Anonymous | Right Quotes
Life guarantees a chance-not a fair shake.
To dream of the person you would like to be is to waste the person you are.
Results are what you expect; consequences are what you get.
To expect life to be tailored to our specifications is to invite frustration.
When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football.
So often we search out the impossible, and then throw ourselves into trying to do it.
To dream too much of the person you would like to be is to waste the person you are.
Set short term goals and you'll win games. Set long term goals and you'll win championships!
- Anonymous | Goals Quotes
Having a dream isn't stupid. ... It's not having a dream that's stupid.
- Anonymous | Goals Quotes
Aim at nothing and you'll succeed.
- Anonymous | Goals Quotes
Fear is the prison of the heart.
- Anonymous | Fear Quotes
All fear is bondage.
- Anonymous | Fear Quotes
Only your mind can produce fear.
- Anonymous | Fear Quotes
We must act in spite of fear ... not because of it.
What you are afraid to do is a clear indicator of the next thing you need to do.
Fear knocked at the door. Faith answered. And lo, no one was there.
Fear is the tax that conscience pays to guilt.
FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real.
Fear is the dark room in which negatives are developed.
Better a fearful end than fear without end.
If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is.
- Anonymous | Worry Quotes
Worry is a futile thing, it's somewhat like a rocking chair, Although is keeps you occupied, it doesn't get you anywhere.
- Anonymous | Worry Quotes
Worry never climbed a hill, worry never paid a bill, Worry never dried a tear, worry never calmed a fear, Worry never darned a heel, worry never cooked a meal, It never led a horse to water, nor ever did a thing it "oughter."
- Anonymous | Worry Quotes
Worry doesn't help tomorrow's troubles, but it does ruin today's happiness.
- Anonymous | Worry Quotes
Worry is a complete cycle of inefficient thought revolving about a pivotal fear.
- Anonymous | Worry Quotes
A problem not worth praying about is not worth worrying about.
- Anonymous | Worry Quotes
Worry is the sin we're not afraid to commit.
- Anonymous | Worry Quotes
He who forecasts all perils will never sail the sea.
"Safety first" has been the motto of the human race for half a million years; but it has never been the motto of leaders.
- Anonymous | Security Quotes
Security is not the absence of danger, but the presence of God, no matter what the danger.
- Anonymous | Security Quotes
He that is not in the war is not out of danger.
- Anonymous | Risks Quotes
Danger itself is the best remedy for danger.
- Anonymous | Risks Quotes
Without danger we cannot get beyond danger.
- Anonymous | Risks Quotes
Take risks: if you win, you will be happy; if you lose, you will be wise.
- Anonymous | Risks Quotes
If the risk-reward ratio is right, you can make big money buying trouble.
- Anonymous | Risks Quotes
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
- Anonymous | Risks Quotes
No guts, no glory.
- Anonymous | Risks Quotes
The brave venture anything.
- Anonymous | Courage Quotes
The best way out of a problem is through it.
- Anonymous | Courage Quotes
Bad weather always looks worse through a window.
- Anonymous | Courage Quotes
Whatever you are trying to avoid won't go away until you confront it.
- Anonymous | Courage Quotes
None are so blind as those who will not see.
- Anonymous | Courage Quotes
You're only as sick as your secrets.
- Anonymous | Courage Quotes
We run away all the time to avoid coming face to face with ourselves.
- Anonymous | Courage Quotes
Valour is nobleness of the mind.
- Anonymous | Courage Quotes
Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.
- Anonymous | Courage Quotes
The weapon of the brave is in his heart.
- Anonymous | Courage Quotes
A bold heart is half the battle.
- Anonymous | Courage Quotes
A man of courage never wants weapons.
- Anonymous | Courage Quotes
A brave arm makes a short sword long.
- Anonymous | Courage Quotes
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
- Anonymous | Courage Quotes
The brave venture anything.
- Anonymous | Courage Quotes
Courage is the right disposition toward fear.
- Anonymous | Courage Quotes
To fight a bull when you are not scared is nothing. And to not fight a bull when you are scared is nothing. But to fight a bull when you are scared is something.
- Anonymous | Courage Quotes
Despair gives courage to a coward.
- Anonymous | Courage Quotes
The will of God will not take you where the grace of God cannot keep you.
- Anonymous | Courage Quotes
When Columbus started out he didn't know where he was going, when he got there he didn't know where he was, and when he got back he didn't know where he had been.
- Anonymous | Ignorance Quotes
The first step is the hardest.
- Anonymous | Getting Going Quotes
Every beginning is hard.
- Anonymous | Getting Going Quotes
If you don't place your foot on the rope, you'll never cross the chasm.
- Anonymous | Getting Going Quotes
If a man wants his dreams to come true, he must wake them up.
- Anonymous | Getting Going Quotes
A man of words and not of deeds is like a garden full of weeds.
- Anonymous | Getting Going Quotes
No age or time of life, no position or circumstance, has a monopoly on success. Any age is the right age to start doing!
- Anonymous | Getting Going Quotes
Performance releases pressure.
- Anonymous | Getting Going Quotes
All glory comes from daring to begin.
More powerful than the will to win is the courage to begin.
Make yourself indispensable and you'll be moved up. Act as if you're indispensable and you'll be moved out.
- Anonymous | Success Quotes
If a man wants his dreams to come true, he must wake up.
- Anonymous | Success Quotes
If the risk-reward ratio is right, you can make big money buying trouble.
- Anonymous | Success Quotes
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
- Anonymous | Success Quotes
Success comes before work only in the dictionary.
- Anonymous | Success Quotes
A winner never quits, and a quitter never wins.
- Anonymous | Success Quotes
It takes time to be a success.
- Anonymous | Success Quotes
My success is measured by my willingness to keep trying.
- Anonymous | Success Quotes
The problem is not that you cannot have what you think you want. The problem is that when you get what you think you want, it won't satisfy.
- Anonymous | Success Quotes
The really happy man is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
- Anonymous | Success Quotes
The two hardest things to handle in life are failure and success.
- Anonymous | Success Quotes
Success is getting what you want; happiness is wanting what you get.
- Anonymous | Success Quotes
Luck always seems to be against the man who depends on it.
- Anonymous | Luck Quotes
Good luck is often with the man who doesn't include it in his plans.
- Anonymous | Luck Quotes
Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but it didn't work for the rabbit!
- Anonymous | Luck Quotes
Combine common sense and the Golden Rule, and you will have very little bad luck.
Luck is good planning, carefully executed.
Opportunity knocks but once.
- Anonymous | Opportunity Quotes
The man who sees both sides of an issue is very likely on the fence or up a tree.
- Anonymous | Commitment Quotes
What a man believes, he will die for. What a man merely thinks, he will change his mind about.
If you are ashamed to stand by your colors, you had better seek another flag.
Work! Thank God for the swing of it, for the clamoring, hammering ring of it.
- Anonymous | Work Quotes
Success comes before work only in the dictionary.
- Anonymous | Work Quotes
A man's work is from sun to sun, but a mother's work is never done.
- Anonymous | Work Quotes
If faith without works is dead, willingness without action is fantasy.
- Anonymous | Action Quotes
The door of opportunity won't open unless you do some pushing.
- Anonymous | Action Quotes
The man who has done nothing but wait for his ship to come in has already missed the boat.
- Anonymous | Action Quotes
It is not yours to finish the task, but neither are you free to take no part in it.
- Anonymous | Action Quotes
Living upon a basis of unsatisfied demands, we were in a state of continual disturbance and frustration. Therefore, no peace was to be had unless we could find a means of reducing these demands.
- Anonymous | Action Quotes
For peace of mind, resign as general manager of the universe.
- Anonymous | Action Quotes
Be God or let God.
- Anonymous | Action Quotes
True worth is doing each day some little good, not dreaming of great things to do by and by.
- Anonymous | Time Quotes
One step and then another, and the longest walk is ended. One stitch and then another, and the longest rent is mended. One brick upon another, and the tallest wall is made. One flake and then another, and the deepest snow is laid.
- Anonymous | Time Quotes
Yard by yard, it's very hard. But inch by inch, it's a cinch.
- Anonymous | Time Quotes
Yard by yard, it's very hard. But inch by inch, it's a cinch.
- Anonymous | Time Quotes
Why not learn to enjoy the little things-there are so many of them.
- Anonymous | Time Quotes
It was only a sunny smile, But it scattered the night And little it cost in the giving; Like morning light, And made the day worth living.
- Anonymous | Time Quotes
Sometimes the littlest things in life are the hardest to take. You can sit on a mountain more comfortably than on a tack.
- Anonymous | Time Quotes
Every worthwhile accomplishment, big or little, has its stages of drudgery and triumph; a beginning, a struggle, and a victory.
- Anonymous | Time Quotes
In the game of life nothing is less important than the score at half time.
- Anonymous | Perseverance Quotes
Don't be discouraged. It's often the last key in the bunch that opens the lock.
- Anonymous | Perseverance Quotes
Persistence is the master virtue. Without it, there is no other.
A winner never quits and a quitter never wins.
We rate ability in men by what they finish, not by what they begin.
The race is not always to the swift, but to those who keep on running.
It's the steady, constant driving to the goal for which you're striving, not the speed with which you travel, that will make your victory sure.
I'm not there yet, but I'm closer than I was yesterday.
If something is boring after two minutes, try it for four. If still boring, try for eight, sixteen, thirty-two, and so on. Eventually, one discovers that it is not boring, but very interesting.
Hope says to us constantly, "go on, go on," and leads us to the grave.
It is with enterprises as with striking fire; we do not meet with success except with reiterated efforts, and often at the instant when we despaired of success.
Don't leave before the miracle happens!
He conquers who endures.
The best way out of a problem is through it.
- Anonymous | Problems Quotes
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
There is nothing wrong with making mistakes. Just don't respond with encores.
Failure is not in losing, but in no longer believing that winning is worthwhile.
A mistake is not a failure, but evidence that someone tried to do something.
Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from poor judgment.
Failure is not sweet, but it need not be bitter.
There are times in everyone's life when something constructive is born out of adversity ... when things seem so bad that you've got to grab your fate by the shoulders and shake it.
- Anonymous | Adversity Quotes
In order to change, we must be sick and tired of being sick and tired.
- Anonymous | Adversity Quotes
I didn't know I'd have to be torn down before I could be built up.
- Anonymous | Adversity Quotes
A diamond is a chunk of coal that made good under pressure.
- Anonymous | Adversity Quotes
Adversity introduces a man to himself.
- Anonymous | Adversity Quotes
Trouble brings experience, and experience brings wisdom.
- Anonymous | Adversity Quotes
Adversity comes with instruction in its hand.
- Anonymous | Adversity Quotes
God will not look you over for medals, degrees or diplomas, but for scars.
- Anonymous | Adversity Quotes
No man better knows what good is than he who has endured evil.
Other Definitions of Adversity Adversity is the touchstone of virtue.
Happiness is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it.
- Anonymous | Events Quotes
The tragedy is not that things are broken. The tragedy is that they are not mended again.
- Anonymous | Events Quotes
The difficulties of life are intended to make us better, not bitter.
- Anonymous | Events Quotes
When things go wrong, don't go with them.
- Anonymous | Events Quotes
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
- Anonymous | Events Quotes
Things turn out best for people who make the best of the way things turn out.
- Anonymous | Events Quotes
Turn your stumbling blocks into stepping stones.
- Anonymous | Events Quotes
Self-pity is one of the most dangerous forms of self-centeredness. It fogs our vision.
- Anonymous | Self-Pity Quotes
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
- Anonymous | Self-Pity Quotes
Love is blind; friendship closes its eyes.
- Anonymous | Friends Quotes
Love is like war, easy to begin but hard to end.
- Anonymous | Beginnings Quotes
You don't marry someone you can live with - you marry the person who you cannot live without.
- Anonymous | Companionship Quotes
No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous | Companionship Quotes
Love is what makes two people sit in the middle of a bench when there is plenty of room at both ends.
- Anonymous | Companionship Quotes
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
- Anonymous | Passion Quotes
Love - a wildly misunderstood although highly desirable malfunction of the heart which weakens the brain, causes eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise and the lips to pucker.
- Anonymous | Passion Quotes
You will never know true happiness until you have truly loved, and you will never understand what pain really is until you have lost it.
- Anonymous | Heartbreak Quotes
Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.
- Anonymous | Heartbreak Quotes
If you love someone, let them go. If they return to you, it was meant to be. If they don't, their love was never yours to begin with.
- Anonymous | Heartbreak Quotes
Love is like playing the piano. First you must learn to play by the rules, then you must forget the rules and play from your heart.
- Anonymous | Introspection Quotes
The mystery of love is greater than the mystery of death.
- Anonymous | Faith Quotes
There is no better exercise for strengthening the heart than reaching down and lifting up another.
- Anonymous | Life Quotes
Some love lasts a lifetime. True love lasts forever.
- Anonymous | True Love Quotes
True love cannot be found where it truly does not exist, nor can it be hidden where it truly does.
- Anonymous | True Love Quotes
Cheerfulness is contagious, but don't wait to catch it from others. Be a carrier.
- Anonymous | Lighten up Quotes
It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
- Anonymous | Lighten up Quotes
It's easy enough to be pleasant when everything goes like a song, but the man who is worthwhile, is the man who can smile, when everything goes dead wrong.
- Anonymous | Lighten up Quotes
Faith is like electricity. You can't see it, but you can see the light.
- Anonymous | Spirituality Quotes
As my mother used to say: "Mimic a duck act calm and unruffled on the surface, but paddle like crazy underneath."
Some people might say that I think too highly of you just because I worship the water you walk on.
An evening like this would be empty without some reference to [politics], so let's just think of this as empty.
I was chosen to speak due to my warm personality. . . . Look up warm and it means "not so hot."
A speech that's full of sparkling wit will keep its hearer grinning, provided its end is close to its beginning.
The recipe for a good speech includes some shortening.
We noticed a crasher at the bar - that shows what a real man he is - he's here to show he's not ticked for not being asked.
Response to clapping: "Thank you for ovating."
When I told her we were going to roast her, she said, "Of course, . . . they only crucify the innocent."
As one skeleton said to the other - if I had any guts I'd get the heck out of here.
Thanks for the nice introduction. Next to my resume, that's the closest I'll ever come to perfection.
We were worried that our main speaker wouldn't be able to make it tonight. But, fortunately, due to a hole in the prosecution's case . . .
I hope you will excuse my being late. The person in this organization who gave me directions here has obviously heard me speak before.
When I was preparing for this speech I asked my family for advice. One member replied, "There's a first time for everything, so try to be funny and brief."
Most experts suggest that one should open with a joke. Obviously, they've never heard me tell a joke.
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm pleased to be with you. (Pause) That concludes my prepared remarks.
I'm moving down here . . . because some of you in the back might not be able to hear my talk . . . and that wouldn't be fair to those who can hear it.
She's not pushing forty, she's dragging it.
The age of some women is like the speedometer on a used car - you know it's set back, but you don't know how far.
Pushing fifty is exercise enough.
When I think of my dad as a little boy, I tend to think of him in black and white.
She's too young for Medicare and too old for me to care.
When she told me her age I believed her - why not? she hasn't changed her story for five years.
Life begins at fifty, but so does bad eyesight, arthritis, and the habit of telling the same story three times to the same listeners.
When Julia Child was asked to what she credited her longevity, she replied, "Red meat and gin."
Once my wife gave me a wonderful birthday present. She let me win an argument.
When we're young we want to change the world. When we're old we want to change the young.
Remember when we used to laugh at old people when we were young? Do you recall what was so funny?
I wouldn't say someone is old just because his social security is in Roman numerals or because Mozart played at his senior prom.
If you think a lot of the comments made tonight are not funny, but are immature and tasteless, that's only because the sense of humor is the first thing to go.
I was going to take you out to lunch for your birthday . . . but you already are.
To make a long story short, . . . there's nothing like having the boss walk in.
- Anonymous | Business Quotes
To be a leader you need a lot of people dumb enough to follow.
- Anonymous | Business Quotes
No one leads the orchestra without turning his back on the crowd.
- Anonymous | Business Quotes
The whole world knows we have it made in America . . . made in China, made in Mexico, made in Japan.
- Anonymous | Business Quotes
The motto in the workaholic Silicon Valley is "Stop for lunch and you are lunch."
- Anonymous | Business Quotes
A person's reputation is a mixture of what his friends, enemies, and relatives say behind his back.
- Anonymous | Character Quotes
The man whose conscience never troubles him must have it pretty well trained.
- Anonymous | Character Quotes
Too often when conscience tries to speak, the line seems to be busy.
- Anonymous | Character Quotes
The trouble with all these other countries is they're all being run by foreigners.
The people of Seattle deny they get much rain, while the rest of the country thinks of it as America's bladder.
The tanned appearance of many New Englanders is not sunburn - it is rust.
After years of mocking L.A. for its smog, the people of Denver are now coughing out of the other side of their mouths.
L.A. bumper sticker: Keep honking - I'm reloading.
Miami bumper sticker: My horn is broken-so watch for my finger.
A small town is usually divided by a railroad, a main street, two churches, and a lot of opinions.
texan starting eternity: I never dreamed heaven would be so much like Texas. companion: Who said this was heaven?
Take a perfect day, add six hours of rain and fog, and you have instant London.
I knew I was drunk. I felt sophisticated and couldn't pronounce it.
Enjoy life. Think of all the women who passed up dessert on the Titanic.
According to my doctor it's okay to drink like a fish - as long as I drink what the fish drinks.
Everybody should believe in something; I believe I'll have another drink.
Some people make spectacles of themselves with a couple of glasses.
I'm a one-drink woman, two at the most, three I'm under the table, four I'm under the host.
Is life worth living? That depends on the liver.
Those who go to college and never get out are called professors.
- Anonymous | Education Quotes
One little six-year-old took home a note saying he need not come to school since he was "too stupid to learn." That boy was Thomas Edison.
- Anonymous | Education Quotes
Last words when sending our boy to college: "If there's anything you want, call us and we'll show you how to live without it."
- Anonymous | Education Quotes
She's an honor student. She's always saying, "Yes, Your Honor. No, Your Honor."
- Anonymous | Education Quotes
Bumper sticker: Driver carries no cash - he has a son in college.
- Anonymous | Education Quotes
Everyone is in awe of the lion tamer in a cage with half a dozen lions - everyone but a school bus driver.
- Anonymous | Education Quotes
The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
- Anonymous | Education Quotes
There are a hundred thousand useless words in the English language, but they come in handy in college football yells.
- Anonymous | Education Quotes
Bumper sticker: My kid beat the heck out of the student of the month.
- Anonymous | Education Quotes
A kindergarten teacher is a woman who knows how to make little things count.
- Anonymous | Education Quotes
When asked to spell Mississippi the boy asked, "The river or the state?"
- Anonymous | Education Quotes
Letter home from, college boy: "There are 370 boys here - I wish there were 369."
- Anonymous | Education Quotes
Some drink from the fountain of knowledge - others just gargle.
- Anonymous | Education Quotes
Boy handing over his report card: Of course I seem stupid to my teachers . . . they're all college graduates.
- Anonymous | Education Quotes
Children have become so expensive that only the poor can afford them.
- Anonymous | Family Quotes
A scout is a boy who dresses like a schmuck. A scoutmaster is a schmuck who dresses like a boy.
- Anonymous | Family Quotes
It appears there's a little too much chlorine in their gene pool.
- Anonymous | Family Quotes
Few mistakes can be made by a mother-in-law who is willing to baby-sit.
- Anonymous | Family Quotes
It takes about five years for a walnut tree to produce nuts, but this is not true of a family tree.
- Anonymous | Family Quotes
To encourage my little kid to eat I'd sometimes say: "Just pretend it's sand."
- Anonymous | Family Quotes
Sis, I've been wondering . . . On my birthday mom always gives me five thousand dollars. How much does she give you?
- Anonymous | Family Quotes
My kid asked if he could borrow ten dollars. When I only gave him five dollars he said, "Okay, since you owe me the other five dollars, we'll call it even."
- Anonymous | Family Quotes
A child prodigy is one with highly imaginative parents.
- Anonymous | Family Quotes
When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson, he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan."
- Anonymous | Family Quotes
Keep in mind ... to a dog you are family, to a cat you are staff.
- Anonymous | Family Quotes
There are two kinds of people in the world: those who come into a room and say, "Here I am!" and those who come in and say, "Oh, there you are."
- Anonymous | Friendship Quotes
Friends are folks who excuse you when you have made a fool of yourself.
- Anonymous | Friendship Quotes
With friends like you - who needs enemas.
- Anonymous | Friendship Quotes
As the psychiatrist said to the cannibal at the end of a session: "Your problem is easy you're just fed up with people."
- Anonymous | Friendship Quotes
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy teenagers?
- Anonymous | Happiness Quotes
To improve your memory, lend people money.
- Anonymous | Health Quotes
I get my exercise being a pallbearer for those of my friends who believed in regular running and calisthenics.
- Anonymous | Health Quotes
My husband wasn't listening when the doctor asked for "a urine, stool, and semen sample" . . . so I just told him they wanted his shorts.
- Anonymous | Health Quotes
doctor to stout patient: You've been swallowing your food again.
- Anonymous | Health Quotes
His voice is to entertainment what the kazoo is to classical music.
- Anonymous | Insults Quotes
I hope you live to be as old as your jokes.
- Anonymous | Insults Quotes
If he can remember so many jokes With all the details that mold them, Why can't he recall, with equal skill, All the times he told them!
- Anonymous | Insults Quotes
For my family to go on living the way they are living now, I can't just die. I've got to die accidentally.
- Anonymous | Life and Death Quotes
The other night, while lying on a couch, I reviewed the high point of my life and fell asleep!
- Anonymous | Life and Death Quotes
He wasn't one who wanted to look back on his life and say, "I wish I spent more time in the office."
- Anonymous | Life and Death Quotes
Being of sound mind, I spent every cent I ever had.
- Anonymous | Life and Death Quotes
If you don't go to people's funerals, they won't come to yours.
- Anonymous | Life and Death Quotes
Her figure is harder to ignore than a ringing telephone.
- Anonymous | Looks Quotes
A big advantage of being bald is that you can style your hair with a damp cloth.
- Anonymous | Looks Quotes
Definition of a bridegroom: A man who is amazed at the outcome of what he thought was a harmless little flirtation.
Before criticizing your wife's faults, remember that they may have prevented her from getting a better husband.
When you see a married couple coming down the street, the one who is two or three steps ahead is the one who's mad.
It's not that I'm too particular. It's just that I'm going to wait for Dr. Right.
I don't like being best man at a wedding 'cause there's no way to prove it.
Definition of a bachelor: A man who likes to invite girls over for a Scotch and sofa.
No woman ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes.
The last word in an argument is what a wife has. Anything a husband says after that is the beginning of another argument.
He loved her for what she was - rich. He worshiped the ground her family struck oil on.
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is at all times? A widow.
My wife is the most wonderful woman in the world, and that's not just my opinion - it's hers.
Arguing with my wife is like this: "I came! I saw! I concurred!"
A smart husband buys his wife very fine china so she won't trust him to wash it.
They were married for better or worse. He couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.
When my wife was asked, "Do you take this man for richer or poorer . . ." she answered, "For richer."
The man who boasts he never made a mistake is often married to the woman who did.
"So you want to become my son-in-law." "Not exactly. I just want to marry your daughter."
This is a perfect pair - he's a hypochondriac and she's a pill.
Keeping a secret from my wife is like trying to smuggle daylight past a rooster. Annoyed wife to husband: Can't you just say we've been married twenty-four years instead of "almost a quarter of a century"?
You might try doing what my folks did. Twice a week they would go out for a special meal. . . with wine, good food, and soft lighting. Dad took Tuesday and Mom took Thursday.
He had a great sound system - but he didn't know much about fidelity.
After our honeymoon I felt like a new man. She said she did too.
My wife divorced me because of illness. She got sick of me.
I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first divorced me and the second won't.
For their last anniversary, she gave him a set of luggage - packed.
A faithful husband is one whose alimony check is always on time.
I remember when I got married. I remember where I got married. But for the life of me, I can't remember why I got married.
Not all of his relationships were meant to end . . . Once he sent a postcard and inadvertently wrote "Wish you were her."
Going shopping with your husband is like his going fishing with the game warden.
Why did God make man before he made woman? Because he didn't want any advice on how to do it.
- Anonymous | Men and Women Quotes
Outside every thin girl is a fat man, trying to get in.
- Anonymous | Men and Women Quotes
We were awfully poor. But we had a lot of things that money can't buy . . . like unpaid bills.
- Anonymous | Money Quotes
Definition of the upper crust: A bunch of crumbs held together by dough.
- Anonymous | Money Quotes
The man who invented slow-motion movies got his idea while watching a Scotsman reach for a check in a restaurant.
- Anonymous | Money Quotes
By the time a man is rich enough to sleep late, he's too old to enjoy it.
- Anonymous | Money Quotes
Definition of Father's Day: Same as Mother's Day but you don't spend as much.
My folks refused to have more than four children after reading that every fifth child born in the world is Chinese.
Every small boy wonders why his father didn't go into the ice cream business.
Dad named his first ulcer after me.
MOTHER TO TEENAGER ON SUNDAY MORNING: I believe I heard the clock strike one when you came in last night. teen: Well, I know how much you need your sleep, so it was going to strike ten but I stopped it at one chime.
I hope I look as good as my mother does when I reach the age she says she isn't.
If you want your ship to come in, you must build a dock.
- Anonymous | Perseverance Quotes
Experience is a hard teacher. She gives the test first, the lesson afterwards.
- Anonymous | Perseverance Quotes
Ideas are a dime a dozen. People who put them into action are priceless.
- Anonymous | Perseverance Quotes
It's nice to have four years between elections. It takes people that long to regain their faith.
- Anonymous | Politics Quotes
What obstructs the vision and is called smog in our big cities is called defining the issues in politics
- Anonymous | Politics Quotes
Experience is the one thing you have plenty of when you're too old to get the job.
Downsizing means you're about to become the guest of honor at a going-away party.
Professional life is like a fire hydrant. You spend all of your time putting out fires and standing your ground against the big dogs.
I left journalism because I met too many interesting people at an uninteresting salary.
A specialist is a person who knows very much about very little and continues to learn more and more about less and less until eventually he knows practically everything about almost nothing at all.
Expert: An ordinary man away from home giving advice.
A secretary must think like a man, act like a lady, look like a girl - and work like a dog.
I never liked being a salesman. . . . Ever since I got my first two orders: Get out! and Stay out!
Before I started working here, I drank, smoked, and used bad language. Thanks to this job, I now have good reason.
B.I.B.L.E. = Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.
- Anonymous | Religion Quotes
God created man and then woman, but the atheist created himself.
- Anonymous | Religion Quotes
As the little boy said to the Sunday School teacher after being told the reason we are on Earth is to help others: "Then what are the others here for?"
- Anonymous | Religion Quotes
Conscience gets a lot of credit that belongs to cold feet.
- Anonymous | Religion Quotes
His clear conscience is a result of a poor memory.
- Anonymous | Religion Quotes
The world's shortest sermon: "When in doubt... don't!"
- Anonymous | Religion Quotes
Leisure time is when your wife can't find you
Retirement: Twice as much husband, half as much pay.
Our boss has been so successful he deserves to retire, so that he can spend more time . . . with his servants.
Since our boss will be retiring soon, it's been suggested that we give him a little momentum.
He who has the fastest cart never has a bad lie.
- Anonymous | Sports Quotes
It's not that I really cheat at golf. I play for my health, and a low score makes me feel better.
- Anonymous | Sports Quotes
Golf and sex: Two things you can really enjoy without being that good at them.
- Anonymous | Sports Quotes
This guy is such an obvious cheater that once, when he had a hole in one, he wrote down zero on his scorecard.
- Anonymous | Sports Quotes
If people focused on life's really important matters, there'd be a shortage of golf clubs.
- Anonymous | Sports Quotes
I'm not playing with my brother-in-law today. Would you play with a man who improves his lie and cheats on his score? Well, neither would he!
- Anonymous | Sports Quotes
When asked how long I've worked here, I replied, "since the day they threatened to fire me."
- Anonymous | Success Quotes
If at first you succeed, don't take any more stupid chances.
- Anonymous | Success Quotes
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
- Anonymous | Success Quotes
Progress means taking risks, for you can't steal home and keep your foot on third base.
- Anonymous | Success Quotes
He could sell the Pope on financing a Mormon tabernacle.
The rich can be "eccentric," the poor have to be considered "nuts."
The ability to sin differs among people. For example, a short-armed fisherman isn't as big a liar as a long-armed one.
The worst thing about a bore is not that he won't stop talking but that he won't let you stop listening.
It gives me great strength to know that half the people I meet are below average.
I'm not at all stuck up . . . although, judging from those around me, I have every right to be.
I've got nothing against girls in tight sweaters - darn it!
Let's just say, he has too many pigeons on his antenna.
I've always been well liked. I was so popular in school, everybody hated me.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
Some people speak from experience, while others, from experience, don't speak.
The best way to save face is keep the bottom half shut.
Don't worry if your "you" is small and your rewards are few: Remember that the mighty oak was once a nut like you.
A sense of humor is what makes you laugh at something that would make you mad if it happened to you.
If Noah found himself back on Earth, you can bet all he would recognize would be the jokes.
There are no perfect people - except, of course, my wife's first husband.
I love a finished speaker, I really, truly do. I don't mean one who's polished, I just mean one who's through.
Remember, if God had wanted this to be perfect, he never would have had me up here.
I noticed you weren't checking your watches - you've been shaking them.
Here's to one of the most beautiful, kind, thoughtful people I have ever known . . . You are getting more like me every day.
A wise man knows everything; a shrewd one, everybody.
- Anonymous | Acquaintance Quotes
Whilst Adam slept, Eve from his side arose; Strange his first sleep would be his last repose.
- Anonymous | Adam and Eve Quotes
Adversity introduces a man to himself.
- Anonymous | Adversity Quotes
When business is good it pays to advertise; when business is bad you've got to advertise.
- Anonymous | Advertising Quotes
An angry man opens his mouth and shuts up his eyes.
- Anonymous | Anger Quotes
Old houses mended, Cost little less than new before they're ended.
- Anonymous | Architecture Quotes
I am an atheist, thank God!
- Anonymous | Atheism Quotes
Every great advance in natural knowledge has involved die absolute rejection of authority.
- Anonymous | Authority Quotes
A bachelor is one who enjoys the chase but does not eat the game.
- Anonymous | Bachelor Quotes
A bachelor is a souvenir of some woman who found a better one at the last minute.
- Anonymous | Bachelor Quotes
A banker is a man who lends you an umbrella when the weather is fair, and takes it away from you when it rains.
- Anonymous | Bank Quotes
Born on Monday, fair in the face; Born on Tuesday, full of God's grace; Born on Wednesday, sour and sad; Born on Thursday, merry and glad; Born on Friday, worthily given;
- Anonymous | Birth Quotes
God bless me and my son John, Me and my wife, him and his wife, Us four, and no more.
- Anonymous | Blessing Quotes
How sleep the brave, who sink to rest, By all their country's wishes blest!
- Anonymous | Bravery Quotes
Old houses mended
- Anonymous | Building Quotes
Never build after you are five and forty; have five years' income in hand before you lay a brick; and always calculate the expense at double the estimate.
- Anonymous | Building Quotes
Christmas is over and Business is Business.
- Anonymous | Business Quotes
Ding, dong, bell, Pussy's in the well; Who put her in? Little Tommy Green. Who pulled her out? Little Johnny Stout.
- Anonymous | Cats Quotes
If your lips would keep from slips five things observe with care: To whom you speak, of whom you speak, And how, and when, and where.
- Anonymous | Caution Quotes
When wealth is lost, nothing is lost; When health is lost, something is lost; When character is lost, all is lost!
- Anonymous | Character Quotes
It is more blessed to give than to receive.
- Anonymous | Charity Quotes
I exhort you to be of good cheer.
- Anonymous | Cheerfulness Quotes
When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
- Anonymous | Childhood Quotes
The long arm of coincidence.
- Anonymous | Circumstance Quotes
Paul said, I am a man which am a Jew of Tarsus, a city in Cilicia, a citizen of no mean city.
- Anonymous | Citizen Quotes
Blue is true, Yellow's jealous, Green's forsaken, Red's brazen, White is love, And black is death.
- Anonymous | Color Quotes
Compliments are only lies in court clothes.
- Anonymous | Compliment Quotes
How grand is victory, but how dear!
- Anonymous | Conquest Quotes
Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust, in sure and certain hope of the resurrection.
- Anonymous | Death Quotes
In the midst of life we are in death.
- Anonymous | Death Quotes
Man that is born of a woman hath but a short time to live, and is full of misery. He cometh up, and is cut down, like a flower; he fleeth as it were a shadow, and never continueth in one stay.
- Anonymous | Death Quotes
The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.
- Anonymous | Death Quotes
Yet a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to sleep.
- Anonymous | Death Quotes
We have left undone those things which we ought to have done; and we have done those things which we ought not to have done.
- Anonymous | Deeds Quotes
The devil was sick, the devil a monk would be; The devil was well, the devil a monk was he.
- Anonymous | Devil Quotes
The best way out of a difficulty is through it.
- Anonymous | Difficulty Quotes
A diplomat is a man who remembers a lady's birthday but forgets her age.
- Anonymous | Diplomacy Quotes
When a diplomat says yes he means perhaps; when he says perhaps he means no; when he says no he is no diplomat.
- Anonymous | Diplomacy Quotes
I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats. I speak the truth, and they never believe me.
- Anonymous | Diplomacy Quotes
Every dog is entitled to one bite.
- Anonymous | Dogs Quotes
It's a long time between drinks.
- Anonymous | Drinking Quotes
To do my duty in that state of life unto which it shall please God to call me.
- Anonymous | Duty Quotes
Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith.
- Anonymous | Eating Quotes
Buy not what you want, but what you have need of; what you do not want is dear at a farthing.
- Anonymous | Economy Quotes
How are the mighty fallen!
- Anonymous | Failure Quotes
An outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual grace.
- Anonymous | Faith Quotes
Men think highly of those who rise rapidly in the world; whereas nothing rises quicker than dust, straw, and feathers.
- Anonymous | Fame Quotes
Familiarity breeds contempt.
- Anonymous | Familiarity Quotes
Some people tell us that there ain't no Hell, But they never farmed, so how can they tell?
- Anonymous | Farming Quotes
'Tis Fate that flings the dice, And as she flings Of kings makes peasants, And of peasants kings.
- Anonymous | Fate Quotes
There is so much good in the worst of us, And so much bad in the best of us, That it ill behooves any of us To find fault with the rest of us.
- Anonymous | Fault Quotes
As lacking in privacy as a goldfish.
- Anonymous | Fish Quotes
It is easier to forgive an enemy than a friend.
- Anonymous | Forgiveness Quotes
Fortune truly helps those who are of good judgment.
- Anonymous | Fortune Quotes
Forty million Frenchmen can't be wrong.
- Anonymous | France Quotes
Prosperity makes friends and adversity tries tliem.
- Anonymous | Friends Quotes
A friend is one who dislikes the same people that you dislike.
- Anonymous | Friends Quotes
Forsake not an old friend, for the new is not comparable unto him. A new friend is as new wine: when it is old thou shalt drink it with pleasure.
- Anonymous | Friends Quotes
The race is not always to the swift nor the battle to the strong - but that's the way to bet.
- Anonymous | Gambling Quotes
The Lord God planted a garden eastward in Eden; and there he put the man whom he had formed.
- Anonymous | Gardens Quotes
Genius is only great patience.
- Anonymous | Genius Quotes
A gentleman is man who can disagree without being disagreeable.
- Anonymous | Gentleman Quotes
It is more blessed to give than to receive.
- Anonymous | Gift Quotes
There is one glory of the sun, and another glory of the moon, and another glory of the stars: for one star differeth from another star in glory.
- Anonymous | Glory Quotes
God helps those who help themselves.
- Anonymous | Glory Quotes
God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things that are mighty.
- Anonymous | Glory Quotes
An outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual grace.
- Anonymous | Grace Quotes
O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?
- Anonymous | Grave Quotes
The house appointed for all living.
- Anonymous | Grave Quotes
Bring down my gray hairs with sorrow to the grave.
- Anonymous | Hair Quotes
The hoary beard is a crown of glory if it be found in the way of righteousness.
- Anonymous | Hair Quotes
His hand will be against every man, and every man's hand against him.
- Anonymous | Hand Quotes
The voice is Jacob's voice, but the hands are the hands of Esau.
- Anonymous | Hand Quotes
So they hanged Haman on the gallows that he had prepared for Mordecai.
- Anonymous | Hanging Quotes
Whosoever hateth his brother is a murderer.
- Anonymous | Hate Quotes
I caused the widow's heart to sing for joy.
- Anonymous | Heart Quotes
No man is a hero to his own wife; no woman is a wife to her own hero.
- Anonymous | Hero Quotes
History is something that never happened, written by a man who wasn't there.
- Anonymous | History Quotes
To Adam Paradise was home. To the good among his descendants home is paradise.
- Anonymous | Home Quotes
These were honoured in their generations, and were the glory of the times.
- Anonymous | Honor Quotes
All husbands are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart.
- Anonymous | Husbands Quotes
Then shall the dust return to the earth as it was; and the spirit shall return unto God who gave it.
- Anonymous | Immortality Quotes
Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might.
- Anonymous | Industry Quotes
There is but one blasphemy, and that is injustice.
- Anonymous | Injustice Quotes
Thou art weighed in the balances, and art found wanting.
- Anonymous | Judgment Quotes
Some women blush when they are kissed; some call for the police, some swear; some bite. But the worst are those who laugh.
- Anonymous | Kiss Quotes
Strange how much you've got to know Before you know how little you know.
- Anonymous | Knowledge Quotes
A lawyer must first get on, then get honor, and then get honest.
- Anonymous | Lawyer Quotes
Much learning doth make thee mad.
- Anonymous | Learning Quotes
One who has both feet firmly planted in the air.
- Anonymous | Liberal Quotes
Life is a jig saw puzzle with most of the pieces missing.
- Anonymous | Life Quotes
I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good therefore that I can do, or any kindness that I can show to any fellow creature, let me do it now. Let me not defer or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.
- Anonymous | Life Quotes
Man loves little and often, woman much and rarely.
- Anonymous | Love Quotes
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear.
- Anonymous | Love Quotes
Good luck is a lazy man's estimate of a worker's success.
- Anonymous | Luck Quotes
Marriage is a romance in which the hero dies in the first chapter.
- Anonymous | Marriage Quotes
If cold December gave you birth, The month of snow and ice and mirth, Place on your hand a turquoise blue, Success will bless what'er you do.
- Anonymous | Months Quotes
Thirty days hath September, April, June, and November; All the rest have thirty-one Excepting February alone: Which hath but twenty-eight, in fine, Till leap year gives it twenty-nine.
- Anonymous | Months Quotes
Necessity has no law.
- Anonymous | Necessity Quotes
Necessity, the mother of invention.
- Anonymous | Necessity Quotes
By evil report and good report.
- Anonymous | News Quotes
Night, when deep sleep falleth on men.
- Anonymous | Night Quotes
A little nonsense now and then Is relished by the wisest men.
- Anonymous | Nonsense Quotes
Optimism: A cheerful frame of mind that enables a tea kettle to sing though in hot water up to its nose.
- Anonymous | Optimism Quotes
An optimist sees an opportunity in every calamity; a pessimist sees a calamity in every opportunity.
- Anonymous | Optimism Quotes
Have a place for everything and have everything in its place.
- Anonymous | Order Quotes
Man endures pain as an undeserved punishment; woman accepts it as a natural heritage.
- Anonymous | Pain Quotes
Party honesty is party expediency.
- Anonymous | Party Quotes
The waters wear the stones.
- Anonymous | Perseverance Quotes
A pessimist is one who feels bad when he feels good for fear he'll feel worse when he feels better.
- Anonymous | Pessimism Quotes
A politican is an animal who can sit on a fence and yet keep both ears to the ground.
- Anonymous | Politics Quotes
Prayer is the voice of faith.
- Anonymous | Prayer Quotes
Preach the word; be instant in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort with all long suffering and doctrine.
- Anonymous | Preaching Quotes
God hath made of one blood all nations of men.
- Anonymous | Race Quotes
Nature, like man, sometimes weeps for gladness.
- Anonymous | Rain Quotes
Reforms should begin at home and stay there.
- Anonymous | Reform Quotes
Republics are ungrateful.
- Anonymous | Republic Quotes
A little house well filled, a little land well tilled, and a little wife well willed, are great riches.
- Anonymous | Riches Quotes
Rome was not built in a day.
- Anonymous | Rome Quotes
The Sabbath was made for man, and not man for the Sabbath.
- Anonymous | Sabbath Quotes
There is a skeleton in every house.
- Anonymous | Secrecy Quotes
The king of France with twenty thousand men Went up the hill, and then came down again: The king of Spain with twenty thousand more Climbed the same hill the French had climbed before.
- Anonymous | Soldier Quotes
God and a soldier all .people adore In time of war, but not before; And when war is over and all things are righted, God is neglected and an old soldier slighted.
- Anonymous | Soldier Quotes
Beware of him that telleth tales.
- Anonymous | Tale Quotes
You cannot teach old dogs new tricks.
- Anonymous | Teaching Quotes
In time take time while time doth last, for time Is no time when time is past.
- Anonymous | Time Quotes
We are here today and gone tomorrow.
- Anonymous | Today Quotes
A tree depicts divinest plan, But God himself lives in a man.
- Anonymous | Tree Quotes
How beautiful is victory, but how dear!
- Anonymous | Victory Quotes
The inevitableness, the idealism, and the blessing of war, as an indispensable and stimulating law of development, must be repeatedly emphasized.
- Anonymous | War Quotes
As a rule man is a fool, When it's hot he wants it cool, When it's cool he wants it hot, Always wanting what is not.
- Anonymous | Weather Quotes
Drink no longer water, but use a little wine for thy stomach's sake.
Oh, the shrewdness of their shrewdness when they're shrewd. And the rudeness of their rudeness when they're rude; But the shrewdness of their shrewdness and the rudeness of their rudeness, Are nothing to their goodness when they're good.
- Anonymous | Women Quotes
This is the best world, that we live in, To lend and to spend and to give in: But to borrow, or beg, or to get a man's own, It is the worst world that ever was known.
- Anonymous | World Quotes
The rich know not who is his friend.
- Anonymous | Friend Quotes
A true friend is the best possession.
- Anonymous | Friend Quotes
Sadness and gladness succeed each other.
- Anonymous | Sad Quotes
Man loves little and often, woman much and rarely.
- Anonymous | Romantic Quotes
Happy is he that chastens himself.
- Anonymous | Happy Quotes
Better be happy than wise.
- Anonymous | Happy Quotes
Fear is the dark room in which negatives are developed.
- Anonymous | Dark Quotes
Those who go to college and never get out are called professors.
- Anonymous | College Quotes
In the game of life nothing is less important than the score at half time.
- Anonymous | Game Quotes
The smartest thing I ever said was, "Help Me!"
- Anonymous | Smart Quotes
A smart husband buys his wife very fine china so she won't trust him to wash it.
- Anonymous | Smart Quotes
She's too young for Medicare and too old for me to care.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
Once my wife gave me a wonderful birthday present. She let me win an argument.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
Miami bumper sticker: My horn is broken-so watch for my finger.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
When my wife was asked, "Do you take this man for richer or poorer . . ." she answered, "For richer."
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
"So you want to become my son-in-law." "Not exactly. I just want to marry your daughter."
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
I remember when I got married. I remember where I got married. But for the life of me, I can't remember why I got married.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
A secretary must think like a man, act like a lady, look like a girl and work like a dog.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
Before I started working here, I drank, smoked, and used bad language. Thanks to this job, I now have good reason.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
B.I.B.L.E. = Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
Leisure time is when your wife can't find you
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
Golf and sex: Two things you can really enjoy without being that good at them.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
I've always been well liked. I was so popular in school, everybody hated me.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
There are no perfect people - except, of course, my wife's first husband.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
In the game of life nothing is less important than the score at half time.
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
The rich can be "eccentric," the poor have to be considered "nuts."
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
The best way to save face is keep the bottom half shut.
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
When we're young we want to change the world. When we're old we want to change the young.
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
When wealth is lost, nothing is lost; When health is lost, something is lost; When character is lost, all is lost!
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
No woman ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes.
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is at all times? A widow.
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
She's too young for Medicare and too old for me to care.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
Enjoy life. Think of all the women who passed up dessert on the Titanic.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
Everybody should believe in something; I believe I'll have another drink.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
I'm a one-drink woman, two at the most, three I'm under the table, four I'm under the host.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
I hope you live to be as old as your jokes.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
My wife is the most wonderful woman in the world, and that's not just my opinion - it's hers.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
Why did God make man before he made woman? Because he didn't want any advice on how to do it.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
The rich know not who is his friend.
- Anonymous | Friend Quotes
A true friend is the best possession.
- Anonymous | Friend Quotes
Sadness and gladness succeed each other.
- Anonymous | Sad Quotes
Man loves little and often, woman much and rarely.
- Anonymous | Romantic Quotes
Happy is he that chastens himself.
- Anonymous | Happy Quotes
Better be happy than wise.
- Anonymous | Happy Quotes
Fear is the dark room in which negatives are developed.
- Anonymous | Dark Quotes
Those who go to college and never get out are called professors.
- Anonymous | College Quotes
In the game of life nothing is less important than the score at half time.
- Anonymous | Game Quotes
The smartest thing I ever said was, "Help Me!"
- Anonymous | Smart Quotes
A smart husband buys his wife very fine china so she won't trust him to wash it.
- Anonymous | Smart Quotes
She's too young for Medicare and too old for me to care.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
Once my wife gave me a wonderful birthday present. She let me win an argument.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
Miami bumper sticker: My horn is broken-so watch for my finger.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
When my wife was asked, "Do you take this man for richer or poorer . . ." she answered, "For richer."
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
"So you want to become my son-in-law." "Not exactly. I just want to marry your daughter."
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
I remember when I got married. I remember where I got married. But for the life of me, I can't remember why I got married.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
A secretary must think like a man, act like a lady, look like a girl and work like a dog.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
Before I started working here, I drank, smoked, and used bad language. Thanks to this job, I now have good reason.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
B.I.B.L.E. = Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
Leisure time is when your wife can't find you
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
Golf and sex: Two things you can really enjoy without being that good at them.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
I've always been well liked. I was so popular in school, everybody hated me.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
There are no perfect people - except, of course, my wife's first husband.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
In the game of life nothing is less important than the score at half time.
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
The rich can be "eccentric," the poor have to be considered "nuts."
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
The best way to save face is keep the bottom half shut.
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
When we're young we want to change the world. When we're old we want to change the young.
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
When wealth is lost, nothing is lost; When health is lost, something is lost; When character is lost, all is lost!
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
No woman ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes.
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is at all times? A widow.
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
She's too young for Medicare and too old for me to care.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
Enjoy life. Think of all the women who passed up dessert on the Titanic.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
Everybody should believe in something; I believe I'll have another drink.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
I'm a one-drink woman, two at the most, three I'm under the table, four I'm under the host.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
I hope you live to be as old as your jokes.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
My wife is the most wonderful woman in the world, and that's not just my opinion - it's hers.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
Why did God make man before he made woman? Because he didn't want any advice on how to do it.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
The rich know not who is his friend.
- Anonymous | Friend Quotes
A true friend is the best possession.
- Anonymous | Friend Quotes
Sadness and gladness succeed each other.
- Anonymous | Sad Quotes
Man loves little and often, woman much and rarely.
- Anonymous | Romantic Quotes
Happy is he that chastens himself.
- Anonymous | Happy Quotes
Better be happy than wise.
- Anonymous | Happy Quotes
Fear is the dark room in which negatives are developed.
- Anonymous | Dark Quotes
Those who go to college and never get out are called professors.
- Anonymous | College Quotes
In the game of life nothing is less important than the score at half time.
- Anonymous | Game Quotes
The smartest thing I ever said was, "Help Me!"
- Anonymous | Smart Quotes
A smart husband buys his wife very fine china so she won't trust him to wash it.
- Anonymous | Smart Quotes
She's too young for Medicare and too old for me to care.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
Once my wife gave me a wonderful birthday present. She let me win an argument.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
Miami bumper sticker: My horn is broken-so watch for my finger.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
When my wife was asked, "Do you take this man for richer or poorer . . ." she answered, "For richer."
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
"So you want to become my son-in-law." "Not exactly. I just want to marry your daughter."
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
I remember when I got married. I remember where I got married. But for the life of me, I can't remember why I got married.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
A secretary must think like a man, act like a lady, look like a girl and work like a dog.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
Before I started working here, I drank, smoked, and used bad language. Thanks to this job, I now have good reason.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
B.I.B.L.E. = Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
Leisure time is when your wife can't find you
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
Golf and sex: Two things you can really enjoy without being that good at them.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
I've always been well liked. I was so popular in school, everybody hated me.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
There are no perfect people - except, of course, my wife's first husband.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
In the game of life nothing is less important than the score at half time.
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
The rich can be "eccentric," the poor have to be considered "nuts."
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
The best way to save face is keep the bottom half shut.
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
When we're young we want to change the world. When we're old we want to change the young.
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
When wealth is lost, nothing is lost; When health is lost, something is lost; When character is lost, all is lost!
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
No woman ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes.
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is at all times? A widow.
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
She's too young for Medicare and too old for me to care.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
Enjoy life. Think of all the women who passed up dessert on the Titanic.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
Everybody should believe in something; I believe I'll have another drink.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
I'm a one-drink woman, two at the most, three I'm under the table, four I'm under the host.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
I hope you live to be as old as your jokes.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
My wife is the most wonderful woman in the world, and that's not just my opinion - it's hers.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
Why did God make man before he made woman? Because he didn't want any advice on how to do it.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
The rich know not who is his friend.
- Anonymous | Friend Quotes
A true friend is the best possession.
- Anonymous | Friend Quotes
Sadness and gladness succeed each other.
- Anonymous | Sad Quotes
Man loves little and often, woman much and rarely.
- Anonymous | Romantic Quotes
Happy is he that chastens himself.
- Anonymous | Happy Quotes
Better be happy than wise.
- Anonymous | Happy Quotes
Fear is the dark room in which negatives are developed.
- Anonymous | Dark Quotes
Those who go to college and never get out are called professors.
- Anonymous | College Quotes
In the game of life nothing is less important than the score at half time.
- Anonymous | Game Quotes
The smartest thing I ever said was, "Help Me!"
- Anonymous | Smart Quotes
A smart husband buys his wife very fine china so she won't trust him to wash it.
- Anonymous | Smart Quotes
She's too young for Medicare and too old for me to care.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
Once my wife gave me a wonderful birthday present. She let me win an argument.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
Miami bumper sticker: My horn is broken-so watch for my finger.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
When my wife was asked, "Do you take this man for richer or poorer . . ." she answered, "For richer."
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
"So you want to become my son-in-law." "Not exactly. I just want to marry your daughter."
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
I remember when I got married. I remember where I got married. But for the life of me, I can't remember why I got married.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
A secretary must think like a man, act like a lady, look like a girl and work like a dog.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
Before I started working here, I drank, smoked, and used bad language. Thanks to this job, I now have good reason.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
B.I.B.L.E. = Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
Leisure time is when your wife can't find you
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
Golf and sex: Two things you can really enjoy without being that good at them.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
I've always been well liked. I was so popular in school, everybody hated me.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
There are no perfect people - except, of course, my wife's first husband.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
In the game of life nothing is less important than the score at half time.
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
The rich can be "eccentric," the poor have to be considered "nuts."
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
The best way to save face is keep the bottom half shut.
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
When we're young we want to change the world. When we're old we want to change the young.
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
When wealth is lost, nothing is lost; When health is lost, something is lost; When character is lost, all is lost!
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
No woman ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes.
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is at all times? A widow.
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
She's too young for Medicare and too old for me to care.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
Enjoy life. Think of all the women who passed up dessert on the Titanic.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
Everybody should believe in something; I believe I'll have another drink.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
I'm a one-drink woman, two at the most, three I'm under the table, four I'm under the host.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
I hope you live to be as old as your jokes.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
My wife is the most wonderful woman in the world, and that's not just my opinion - it's hers.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
Why did God make man before he made woman? Because he didn't want any advice on how to do it.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
The rich know not who is his friend.
- Anonymous | Friend Quotes
A true friend is the best possession.
- Anonymous | Friend Quotes
Sadness and gladness succeed each other.
- Anonymous | Sad Quotes
Man loves little and often, woman much and rarely.
- Anonymous | Romantic Quotes
Happy is he that chastens himself.
- Anonymous | Happy Quotes
Better be happy than wise.
- Anonymous | Happy Quotes
Fear is the dark room in which negatives are developed.
- Anonymous | Dark Quotes
Those who go to college and never get out are called professors.
- Anonymous | College Quotes
In the game of life nothing is less important than the score at half time.
- Anonymous | Game Quotes
The smartest thing I ever said was, "Help Me!"
- Anonymous | Smart Quotes
A smart husband buys his wife very fine china so she won't trust him to wash it.
- Anonymous | Smart Quotes
She's too young for Medicare and too old for me to care.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
Once my wife gave me a wonderful birthday present. She let me win an argument.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
Miami bumper sticker: My horn is broken-so watch for my finger.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
When my wife was asked, "Do you take this man for richer or poorer . . ." she answered, "For richer."
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
"So you want to become my son-in-law." "Not exactly. I just want to marry your daughter."
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
I remember when I got married. I remember where I got married. But for the life of me, I can't remember why I got married.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
A secretary must think like a man, act like a lady, look like a girl and work like a dog.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
Before I started working here, I drank, smoked, and used bad language. Thanks to this job, I now have good reason.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
B.I.B.L.E. = Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
Leisure time is when your wife can't find you
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
Golf and sex: Two things you can really enjoy without being that good at them.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
I've always been well liked. I was so popular in school, everybody hated me.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
There are no perfect people - except, of course, my wife's first husband.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
In the game of life nothing is less important than the score at half time.
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
The rich can be "eccentric," the poor have to be considered "nuts."
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
The best way to save face is keep the bottom half shut.
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
When we're young we want to change the world. When we're old we want to change the young.
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
When wealth is lost, nothing is lost; When health is lost, something is lost; When character is lost, all is lost!
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
No woman ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes.
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is at all times? A widow.
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
She's too young for Medicare and too old for me to care.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
Enjoy life. Think of all the women who passed up dessert on the Titanic.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
Everybody should believe in something; I believe I'll have another drink.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
I'm a one-drink woman, two at the most, three I'm under the table, four I'm under the host.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
I hope you live to be as old as your jokes.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
My wife is the most wonderful woman in the world, and that's not just my opinion - it's hers.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
Why did God make man before he made woman? Because he didn't want any advice on how to do it.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
The rich know not who is his friend.
- Anonymous | Friend Quotes
A true friend is the best possession.
- Anonymous | Friend Quotes
Sadness and gladness succeed each other.
- Anonymous | Sad Quotes
Man loves little and often, woman much and rarely.
- Anonymous | Romantic Quotes
Happy is he that chastens himself.
- Anonymous | Happy Quotes
Better be happy than wise.
- Anonymous | Happy Quotes
Fear is the dark room in which negatives are developed.
- Anonymous | Dark Quotes
Those who go to college and never get out are called professors.
- Anonymous | College Quotes
In the game of life nothing is less important than the score at half time.
- Anonymous | Game Quotes
The smartest thing I ever said was, "Help Me!"
- Anonymous | Smart Quotes
A smart husband buys his wife very fine china so she won't trust him to wash it.
- Anonymous | Smart Quotes
She's too young for Medicare and too old for me to care.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
Once my wife gave me a wonderful birthday present. She let me win an argument.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
Miami bumper sticker: My horn is broken-so watch for my finger.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
When my wife was asked, "Do you take this man for richer or poorer . . ." she answered, "For richer."
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
"So you want to become my son-in-law." "Not exactly. I just want to marry your daughter."
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
I remember when I got married. I remember where I got married. But for the life of me, I can't remember why I got married.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
A secretary must think like a man, act like a lady, look like a girl and work like a dog.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
Before I started working here, I drank, smoked, and used bad language. Thanks to this job, I now have good reason.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
B.I.B.L.E. = Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
Leisure time is when your wife can't find you
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
Golf and sex: Two things you can really enjoy without being that good at them.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
I've always been well liked. I was so popular in school, everybody hated me.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
There are no perfect people - except, of course, my wife's first husband.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
In the game of life nothing is less important than the score at half time.
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
The rich can be "eccentric," the poor have to be considered "nuts."
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
The best way to save face is keep the bottom half shut.
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
When we're young we want to change the world. When we're old we want to change the young.
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
When wealth is lost, nothing is lost; When health is lost, something is lost; When character is lost, all is lost!
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
No woman ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes.
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is at all times? A widow.
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
She's too young for Medicare and too old for me to care.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
Enjoy life. Think of all the women who passed up dessert on the Titanic.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
Everybody should believe in something; I believe I'll have another drink.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
I'm a one-drink woman, two at the most, three I'm under the table, four I'm under the host.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
I hope you live to be as old as your jokes.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
My wife is the most wonderful woman in the world, and that's not just my opinion - it's hers.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
Why did God make man before he made woman? Because he didn't want any advice on how to do it.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
The rich know not who is his friend.
- Anonymous | Friend Quotes
A true friend is the best possession.
- Anonymous | Friend Quotes
Sadness and gladness succeed each other.
- Anonymous | Sad Quotes
Man loves little and often, woman much and rarely.
- Anonymous | Romantic Quotes
Happy is he that chastens himself.
- Anonymous | Happy Quotes
Better be happy than wise.
- Anonymous | Happy Quotes
Fear is the dark room in which negatives are developed.
- Anonymous | Dark Quotes
Those who go to college and never get out are called professors.
- Anonymous | College Quotes
In the game of life nothing is less important than the score at half time.
- Anonymous | Game Quotes
The smartest thing I ever said was, "Help Me!"
- Anonymous | Smart Quotes
A smart husband buys his wife very fine china so she won't trust him to wash it.
- Anonymous | Smart Quotes
She's too young for Medicare and too old for me to care.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
Once my wife gave me a wonderful birthday present. She let me win an argument.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
Miami bumper sticker: My horn is broken-so watch for my finger.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
When my wife was asked, "Do you take this man for richer or poorer . . ." she answered, "For richer."
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
"So you want to become my son-in-law." "Not exactly. I just want to marry your daughter."
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
I remember when I got married. I remember where I got married. But for the life of me, I can't remember why I got married.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
A secretary must think like a man, act like a lady, look like a girl and work like a dog.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
Before I started working here, I drank, smoked, and used bad language. Thanks to this job, I now have good reason.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
B.I.B.L.E. = Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
Leisure time is when your wife can't find you
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
Golf and sex: Two things you can really enjoy without being that good at them.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
I've always been well liked. I was so popular in school, everybody hated me.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
There are no perfect people - except, of course, my wife's first husband.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
In the game of life nothing is less important than the score at half time.
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
The rich can be "eccentric," the poor have to be considered "nuts."
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
The best way to save face is keep the bottom half shut.
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
When we're young we want to change the world. When we're old we want to change the young.
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
When wealth is lost, nothing is lost; When health is lost, something is lost; When character is lost, all is lost!
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
No woman ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes.
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is at all times? A widow.
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
She's too young for Medicare and too old for me to care.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
Enjoy life. Think of all the women who passed up dessert on the Titanic.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
Everybody should believe in something; I believe I'll have another drink.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
I'm a one-drink woman, two at the most, three I'm under the table, four I'm under the host.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
I hope you live to be as old as your jokes.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
My wife is the most wonderful woman in the world, and that's not just my opinion - it's hers.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
Why did God make man before he made woman? Because he didn't want any advice on how to do it.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
The rich know not who is his friend.
- Anonymous | Friend Quotes
A true friend is the best possession.
- Anonymous | Friend Quotes
Sadness and gladness succeed each other.
- Anonymous | Sad Quotes
Man loves little and often, woman much and rarely.
- Anonymous | Romantic Quotes
Happy is he that chastens himself.
- Anonymous | Happy Quotes
Better be happy than wise.
- Anonymous | Happy Quotes
Fear is the dark room in which negatives are developed.
- Anonymous | Dark Quotes
Those who go to college and never get out are called professors.
- Anonymous | College Quotes
In the game of life nothing is less important than the score at half time.
- Anonymous | Game Quotes
The smartest thing I ever said was, "Help Me!"
- Anonymous | Smart Quotes
A smart husband buys his wife very fine china so she won't trust him to wash it.
- Anonymous | Smart Quotes
She's too young for Medicare and too old for me to care.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
Once my wife gave me a wonderful birthday present. She let me win an argument.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
Miami bumper sticker: My horn is broken-so watch for my finger.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
When my wife was asked, "Do you take this man for richer or poorer . . ." she answered, "For richer."
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
"So you want to become my son-in-law." "Not exactly. I just want to marry your daughter."
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
I remember when I got married. I remember where I got married. But for the life of me, I can't remember why I got married.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
A secretary must think like a man, act like a lady, look like a girl and work like a dog.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
Before I started working here, I drank, smoked, and used bad language. Thanks to this job, I now have good reason.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
B.I.B.L.E. = Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
Leisure time is when your wife can't find you
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
Golf and sex: Two things you can really enjoy without being that good at them.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
I've always been well liked. I was so popular in school, everybody hated me.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
There are no perfect people - except, of course, my wife's first husband.
- Anonymous | Humorous Quotes
In the game of life nothing is less important than the score at half time.
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
The rich can be "eccentric," the poor have to be considered "nuts."
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
The best way to save face is keep the bottom half shut.
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
When we're young we want to change the world. When we're old we want to change the young.
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
When wealth is lost, nothing is lost; When health is lost, something is lost; When character is lost, all is lost!
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
No woman ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes.
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is at all times? A widow.
- Anonymous | Witty Quotes
She's too young for Medicare and too old for me to care.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
Enjoy life. Think of all the women who passed up dessert on the Titanic.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
Everybody should believe in something; I believe I'll have another drink.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
I'm a one-drink woman, two at the most, three I'm under the table, four I'm under the host.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
I hope you live to be as old as your jokes.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
My wife is the most wonderful woman in the world, and that's not just my opinion - it's hers.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
Why did God make man before he made woman? Because he didn't want any advice on how to do it.
- Anonymous | Funny Quotes
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