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Mothers and Fathers Quotes and Quotations
 Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.  Definition of Father's Day: Same as Mother's Day but you don't spend as much. My folks refused to have more than four children after reading that every fifth child born in the world is Chinese. No matter what, Dad was always there with solid words of advice . . . "Go ask your mother." - Alan Ray Father reading report card: One thing in your favor - with these grades, you couldn't possibly be cheating. Every small boy wonders why his father didn't go into the ice cream business. No matter how old a mother is, she still watches her middle-aged children for signs of improvement. There are three books my daughter felt were the most important influences in her life: the Bible, her mother's cookbook, and her father's checkbook. Grandchildren don't make a man feel old; it's the knowledge that he's married to a grandmother. Dad named his first ulcer after me. It is a wise child that knows its own father, and an unusual one that unreservedly approves of him. Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories. When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. My mother phones daily to ask, "Did you just try to reach me?" When I reply no, she adds, "So, if you're not too busy, call me while I'm still alive," . . . and hangs up. Most men are secretly still mad at their mothers for throwing away their comic books. They would be valuable now. There's no such thing as a nonworking mother. God could not be everywhere, and therefore he made mothers. MOTHER TO TEENAGER ON SUNDAY MORNING: I believe I heard the clock strike one when you came in last night. teen: Well, I know how much you need your sleep, so it was going to strike ten but I stopped it at one chime. I hope I look as good as my mother does when I reach the age she says she isn't. I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's because it's cold in there. And I'm like: How did my mother know that? The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. 
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