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Mark Twain Quotes and Quotations


Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she had laid an asteroid.
Put all thine eggs in one basket and - watch that basket.
- Mark Twain | Advice Quotes
Fewer things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
- Mark Twain | Advice Quotes
Of all God's creatures there is only one that cannot be made the slave of the lash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat.
- Mark Twain | Animals Quotes
That kind of so-called housekeeping where they have six Bibles and no cork-screw.
- Mark Twain | The Bible Quotes
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them.
Everyone is a moon and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.
I was born modest; not all over, but in spots.
Ethical man - a Christian holding four aces.
There are those who would misteach us that to stick in a rut is consistency - and a virtue, and that to climb out of the rut is inconsistency - and a vice.
- Mark Twain | Consistency Quotes
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.
Tomorrow night I appear for the first time before a Boston audience - 4000 critics.
Habit is habit, and not to be thrown out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time.
Have a place for everything and keep the things somewheres else. That is not advice, it is merely custom.
The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.
- Mark Twain | Death and Dying Quotes
The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner.
- Mark Twain | Fear Quotes
Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.
Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And ain't that a big enough majority for any town?
We may not pay Satan reverence, for that would be indiscreet, but we can at least respect his talents.
Barring that natural expression of villainy which we all have, the man looked honest enough.
- Mark Twain | Honesty Quotes
It is better to deserve honours and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.
- Mark Twain | Honour Quotes
I was born modest; not all over, but in spots.
- Mark Twain | Human Relations Quotes
Fewer things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
- Mark Twain | Imitation Quotes
It takes your enemy and your friend, working together to hurt you to the heart; the one to slander you and the other to get the news to you.
Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
- Mark Twain | Life Quotes
Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of the man - the biography of the man himself cannot be written.
- Mark Twain | Literature Quotes
It isn't so astonishing, the number of things that I can remember, as the number of things I can remember that aren't so.
- Mark Twain | Memory Quotes
In his private heart no man much respects himself.
- Mark Twain | Men Quotes
Make money and the whole world will conspire to call you a gentleman.
- Mark Twain | Money Quotes
In statesmanship get formalities right, never mind about the moralities.
Richard Wagner, a musician who wrote music which is better than it sounds.
- Mark Twain | Music Quotes
What a good thing Adam had - when he said a good thing, he knew nobody had said it before.
- Mark Twain | Originality Quotes
Each man must for himself alone decide what is right and what is wrong, which course is patriotic and which isn't. You cannot shirk this and be a man.
The Creator made Italy with designs by Michelangelo.
Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.
The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopts them.
- Mark Twain | Politics Quotes
I can live for two months on a good compliment.
In prayer we call ourselves 'worms of the dust', but it is only on a sort of tacit understanding that the remark shall not be taken at par.
- Mark Twain | Prayer Quotes
In certain trying circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity furnishes a relief denied even to prayer.
- Mark Twain | Prayer Quotes
We are chameleons, and our partialities and prejudices change places with an easy and blessed facility.
Get your facts first, and then you can distort 'em as much as you please.
When we remember that we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.
The pause - that impressive silence, that eloquent silence, that geometrically progressive silence which often achieves a desired effect where no combination of words, howsoever felicitous, could accomplish it.
- Mark Twain | Silence Quotes
Golf is a good walk spoiled.
- Mark Twain | Sport Quotes
There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice.
- Mark Twain | Temptation Quotes
In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.
Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry and narrow-mindedness.
There is no unhappiness like the misery of sighting land again after a cheerful, careless voyage.
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
- Mark Twain | Truth Quotes
I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.
- Mark Twain | Wealth Quotes
I wish to become rich, so that I can instruct the people and glorify honest poverty a little, like those kind-hearted, fat, benevolent people do.
- Mark Twain | Wealth Quotes
We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it - and stop there, lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stovelid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again - and that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore.
- Mark Twain | Wisdom Quotes
Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which, before their union, were not perceived to have any relation.
- Mark Twain | Wit Quotes
The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug.
In certain trying circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity furnishes a relief denied even to prayer.
I conceive that the right way to write a story for boys is to write so that it will not only interest boys but strongly interest any man who has ever been a boy. That immensely enlarges the audience.
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
- Mark Twain | Youth Quotes
When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not.
- Mark Twain | Youth Quotes
Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.
Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
- Mark Twain | Happiness Quotes
To be busy is man's only happiness.
- Mark Twain | Happiness Quotes
To get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.
- Mark Twain | Happiness Quotes
Happiness is a Swedish sunset; it is there for all, but most of us look the other way and lose it.
- Mark Twain | Happiness Quotes
The fragrance of the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.
- Mark Twain | Forgiveness Quotes
To be satisfied with what one has; that is wealth. As long as one sorely needs a certain additional amount, that man isn't rich.
- Mark Twain | Forgiveness Quotes
Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer somebody else up.
Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
- Mark Twain | Friendship Quotes
The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are in the wrong. Nearly everybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain | Friendship Quotes
Deep down in me I knowed it was a lie, and He knowed it. You can't pray a lie-I found that out.
- Mark Twain | Prayer Quotes
A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.
- Mark Twain | Self-Acceptance Quotes
The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.
- Mark Twain | Self-Acceptance Quotes
A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.
- Mark Twain | Self-Confidence Quotes
Each man must for himself alone decide what is right and what is wrong, which course is patriotic and which isn't. You cannot shirk this and be a man. To decide against your conviction is to be an unqualified and excusable traitor, both to yourself and to your country, let men label you as they may.
- Mark Twain | Self-Reliance Quotes
Make it a point to do something every day that you don't want to do. This is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain.
- Mark Twain | One Day Quotes
Go to bed early, get up early-this is wise.
- Mark Twain | Evenings Quotes
Lord save us all from ... a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.
- Mark Twain | Hope Quotes
You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
- Mark Twain | Hope Quotes
Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
- Mark Twain | Role Models Quotes
Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.
We are chameleons, and our partialities and prejudices change place with an easy and blessed facility.
There are those who would misteach us that to stick in a rut is consistency, and a virtue, and that to climb out of the rut is inconsistency, and a vice.
Each man must for himself alone decide what is right and what is wrong, which course is patriotic and which isn't. You cannot shirk this and be a man. To decide against your conviction is to be an unqualified and inexcusable traitor, both to yourself and to your country, let men label you as they may.
- Mark Twain | Decisions Quotes
Necessity is the mother of taking chances.
- Mark Twain | Motivation Quotes
From his cradle to the grave, a man never does a single thing which has any first and foremost object save one-to secure peace of mind, spiritual comfort, for himself.
- Mark Twain | Goals Quotes
I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.
- Mark Twain | Worry Quotes
Necessity is the mother of taking chances.
- Mark Twain | Risks Quotes
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear-not absence of fear.
- Mark Twain | Courage Quotes
I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one.
- Mark Twain | Getting Going Quotes
Name the greatest of all inventors: Accident.
- Mark Twain | Luck Quotes
I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one.
- Mark Twain | Opportunity Quotes
Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do, and play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.
- Mark Twain | Work Quotes
Work and play are words used to describe the same thing under differing conditions.
- Mark Twain | Work Quotes
Necessity is the mother of "taking chances."
- Mark Twain | Adversity Quotes
Love is a madness; if thwarted it develops fast.
- Mark Twain | Beginnings Quotes
To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with.
- Mark Twain | Companionship Quotes
Love seems the swiftest but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.
- Mark Twain | Companionship Quotes
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
- Mark Twain | Family Quotes
Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.
- Mark Twain | Lighten up Quotes
Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.
- Mark Twain | Lighten up Quotes
It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.
Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
- Mark Twain | Business Quotes
Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest.
- Mark Twain | Character Quotes
He liked to like people, therefore people liked him.
- Mark Twain | Character Quotes
Cold! If the thermometer had been an inch longer we'd all have frozen to death.
I asked Tom if countries always apologized when they had done wrong, and he said: "Yes: the little one does."
In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.
You can tell German wine from vinegar ... by the label.
I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time.
There ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.
- Mark Twain | Friendship Quotes
Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
- Mark Twain | Life and Death Quotes
Man - a creature made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.
- Mark Twain | Men and Women Quotes
It is a wise child that knows its own father, and an unusual one that unreservedly approves of him.
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.
I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spenser is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I'm not feeling so well myself.
Heaven goes by favor; if it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.
- Mark Twain | Religion Quotes
It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it's the parts that I do understand.
- Mark Twain | Religion Quotes
I have too much respect for the truth to drag it out on every trifling occasion.
Adam was the only man who, when he said a good thing, knew that nobody had said it before him.


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