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Professions and Work Quotes and Quotations
 Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.  Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work. Managing is getting paid for home runs someone else hits. Most of the men sitting in first class on an airplane have really boring jobs. My brother-in-law had to give up his last job because of illness. His boss became sick of him. Vice president: That's the title given to a corporate manager instead of a raise. One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is very important. It's amazing how important your job is when you want the day off - and how unimportant it is when you want a raise. Experience is the one thing you have plenty of when you're too old to get the job. Downsizing means you're about to become the guest of honor at a going-away party. Professional life is like a fire hydrant. You spend all of your time putting out fires and standing your ground against the big dogs. People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up. I left journalism because I met too many interesting people at an uninteresting salary. The profession of book writing makes horse racing seem like a solid, stable business. I'm a writer. I write checks. They're not very good. It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous. I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spenser is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I'm not feeling so well myself. Ask a writer what he thinks about critics and the answer you get is similar to what you get when you ask a lamppost how he feels about dogs. America has not always been kind to its artists and scholars. Somehow the scientists always seem to get the penthouse while the arts and humanities get the basement. A specialist is a person who knows very much about very little and continues to learn more and more about less and less until eventually he knows practically everything about almost nothing at all. Expert: An ordinary man away from home giving advice. Few great men could pass personnel. She used to be a schoolteacher but she has no class now. A celebrity is one who is known to many persons he is glad he doesn't know. An actor's a guy who, if you ain't talking about him, ain't listening. The celebrity is a person who is known for his well-knownness. By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be a boss and work twelve hours a day. A secretary must think like a man, act like a lady, look like a girl - and work like a dog. I once worked as a salesman and was very independent. I took orders from no one. I never liked being a salesman. . . . Ever since I got my first two orders: Get out! and Stay out! I'm a concert pianist. That's a pretentious way of saying I'm unemployed at the moment. If law school is so hard to get through, how come there are so many lawyers? When asked to contribute ten dollars to a lawyer's funeral, I said: "Here's fifty. Bury five of them." Before I started working here, I drank, smoked, and used bad language. Thanks to this job, I now have good reason. I don't like the fact that doctors are referred to as practicing. A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. I hate being placed on committees. They are always having meetings at which half are absent and the rest late. My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get, except the blinding headaches. 
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