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Groucho Marx Quotes and Quotations

I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

- Groucho Marx | Clubs and Institutions Quotes

There is one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says 'yes', you know he is crooked.

- Groucho Marx | Honesty Quotes

One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.

- Groucho Marx | Marriage Quotes

Since my little daughter is only half Jewish, would it be alright if she went into the pool only up to her waist?

- Groucho Marx | Prejudice and Bigotry Quotes

No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.

- Groucho Marx | Quips and Comments Quotes

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.

- Groucho Marx | Quips and Comments Quotes

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

- Groucho Marx | Companionship Quotes

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.

- Groucho Marx | Companionship Quotes

Why, a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child.

- Groucho Marx | Family Quotes

It looks as if Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

- Groucho Marx | Cities and Travel Quotes

When I first came to this country, I didn't have a nickel in my pocket - now I have a nickel in my pocket.

- Groucho Marx | Cities and Travel Quotes

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

- Groucho Marx | Love and Marriage Quotes

I've had a wonderful evening . . . but this wasn't it.

- Groucho Marx | Thank-yous and Closures Quotes