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Ambrose Bierce
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 - 1914)
American journalist and satirist.
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes and Quotations

Piracy, n: commerce without its folly-swaddles - just as God made it.
- Ambrose Bierce | Buying and Selling Quotes
Abstainer: a weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
Christian: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbour.
Cynicism is that blackguard defect of vision which compels us to see the world as it is, instead of as it should be.
- Ambrose Bierce | Cynicism Quotes
Mausoleum, n: the final and funniest folly of the rich.
- Ambrose Bierce | Death and Dying Quotes
Epitaph, n: an inscription on a tomb showing that virtues acquired by death have a retroactive effect.
- Ambrose Bierce | Death and Dying Quotes
Education, n: that which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
- Ambrose Bierce | Education Quotes
That sovereign of insufferables.
- Ambrose Bierce | Fame and Celebrities Quotes
Destiny, n: a tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure.
- Ambrose Bierce | Fate and Destiny Quotes
History, n: an account mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.
Acquaintance, n: a person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
- Ambrose Bierce | Human Relations Quotes
Ignoramus: a person unacquainted with certain kinds of knowledge familiar to yourself, and having certain other kinds that you know nothing about.
- Ambrose Bierce | Ignorance Quotes
Appeal in law: to put the dice into the box for another throw.
- Ambrose Bierce | Law and Lawyers Quotes
Litigant: a person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bone.
- Ambrose Bierce | Law and Lawyers Quotes
Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making, in all, two.
- Ambrose Bierce | Marriage Quotes
Philanthropist: a rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket.
- Ambrose Bierce | Money Quotes
To be positive: to be mistaken at the top of one's voice.
- Ambrose Bierce | Opinion Quotes
Painting, n: the art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.
- Ambrose Bierce | Painters and Painting Quotes
Peace: in international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.
- Ambrose Bierce | Peace Quotes
Responsibility n: A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one's neighbour. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.
- Ambrose Bierce | Power Quotes
Commendation, n: the tribute that we pay to achievements that resemble, but do not equal, our own.
- Ambrose Bierce | Praise and Flattery Quotes
Pray, v: to ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
- Ambrose Bierce | Prayer Quotes
Heathen, n. A beknighted creature who has the folly to worship something that he can see and feel.
- Ambrose Bierce | Religion Quotes
Infidel, n: in New York, one who does not believe in the Christian religion; in Constantinople, one who does.
- Ambrose Bierce | Religion Quotes
Apologize, v: to lay the foundation for a future offence.
Perseverance, n.: A lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves a glorious success.
- Ambrose Bierce | Success Quotes
Hope is desire and expectation rolled into one.
- Ambrose Bierce | Hope Quotes
Achievement: The death of an endeavor, and the birth of disgust.
- Ambrose Bierce | Success Quotes
Platonic Love is a fool's name for the affection between a disability and a frost.
- Ambrose Bierce | Friends Quotes
Admiration: Our polite recognition of another man's resemblance to ourselves.
Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
- Ambrose Bierce | Admiration Quotes
The echo of a platitude.
- Ambrose Bierce | Applause Quotes
Bore: a person who talks when you wish him to listen.
- Ambrose Bierce | Bores Quotes
A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distin-quished from the Liberal, who wishes to replace them with others.
- Ambrose Bierce | Conservatism Quotes
One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
- Ambrose Bierce | Cowardice Quotes
Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
- Ambrose Bierce | Philosophy Quotes
Women and foxes, being weak, are distinguished by superior tact.
- Ambrose Bierce | Tact Quotes

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