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Emo Philips Quotes and Quotations


When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord, in his wisdom, didn't work that way. So I just stole one and asked him to forgive me.
- Emo Philips | Religion Quotes
I was with this girl the other night, and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes.
- Emo Philips | Sex Quotes


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Politics is more dangerous than war, for in war you are only killed once.
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